Reply to Injured DH

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Injured DH"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]	Was he in the hospital for 48 hours, op? That’s serious and is longer then I spent in the hospital delivering my third baby, I went in early Saturday morning, had the baby and we were sent home Sunday afternoon. Point being, hospitals don’t tend to keep people these days so if they do, there may be a reason beyond the nursing staff love his hobby and think he’s cute.

I say this because he may not be allowed to take Urber, generally you aren’t allowed to do it if you are dealing with anesthetics. Yes, people do it, I’m sure, but they do check, or at least they did with my husband and this was a few months back. Point being “just take an urber” may not work, though I suspect the people suggesting it are also the ones telling kids to take Urber and they also can’t do that at least not legally, which again doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

For you, op, I’m 100 percent on your side. Your husband isn’t spending time with the family, you worry about the phone call, and then you have to deal with whatever idiot thing he did to himself and as you have experienced, nobody cares about how *you* are doing. 
My husband also wondered if your husband was being faithful to you, pointing out the adrenaline rush from the hobby may mean he doesn’t take your marriage as seriously as he should. Being really good at something coupled with the physicality of the activity is one of the most incredible feelings out there. Are you sure he’s behaving appropriately?   It’s something you should at least think about.

If you want to be married to him, it’s now come-to-Jesus time. He stops the hobby, or at least he finds a way to do it safely with kids and a wife. Since he likes it so much, why not dial back and share it with the kids? If we knew what the hobby was, we could give you suggestions, plus I am a nosy bastard and I’d like to know. You on your part need to let him share his interest with the kids, do you do that or treat it like the most boring interest ever and the kids need a phd to understand? Does he even try to teach the kids or does he zoom off before they are awake? Or is it some of both, you don’t like the hobby anymore so he still does it but doesn’t share as much as he used to?

For those of you who tsk on and on about “why didn’t you discuss before kids”, it’s very hard to have a discussion about a lifestyle that doesn’t exist. If they talked at all, he probably cooed that he’d be back in time to cuddle the baby and she cooed that she worked all week so would love to have a nice lazy Saturday hanging out with the baby, and oh they sleep a lot so maybe I’ll learn how to play an instrument. That seems to have been the way the conversation went down when my parents had it. I don’t fault anybody for “not discussing before kids”. 
I’d talk to is family or one of his hobby friends and see if they can help even to the point of moving in with you. You’ll probably get more luck with a woman and ideally a mother or sister of your husband’s. I’d tell you not to baby him, but the problem is that if his body or brain aren’t working well, it’s hard to know what he is truly capable of doing and what may need to change so he can do them. He may be able to order groceries but not actually bring them into the house. 
I’m sorry, op, as the thrill seeking spouse in my marriage, he does need to learn not to be an ass. You need to learn what you and won’t continue to put up with. Sadly, a lot of these men are married to their hobby and they want a wife and kids so they aren’t alone on holidays.  The family unit isn’t really a priority for a lot of them, the thrill seeking hobbies mean they are attractive to women and they in some cases feel they can just get another one, and they probably can at least for a time. They also don’t seem to know how to deal with normal life when they’ve been up in the air and can do so regularly or traveling at a high rate of speed or have in some cases physically outmanuevered another person, or kept another person with you, it is heady stuff.      I’m sorry. If your husband has good men in his life that prioritize family, this hopefully won’t happen. Bottom line, remember that the only one you can control is you so you can decide what you want next. Start by telling your husband that it will be hard enough on the kids should he die, and it will be hard on you if he dies and you don’t want to be in the position to mourn your beloved husband and kids’ father, you need to think very seriously about helping your kids mourn their father and you need to no longer be married to him if that’s how you feel.

As for FMLA, I never got it when I requested it, my employers always found a way to weasel out of it “well, he’s not in the hospital *now*” “We can give it to you but your job may not be there when you get back, we’ve been looking at cutting back” just things that make it difficult to fight over when you are asking because a loved one is going through a medical event. You don’t just go in and say “Hey, I’d like some FMLA please”. 
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics