Reply to Is my spouse being stingy?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Is my spouse being stingy? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you are both right, OP.  I think it makes sense to want to spend more on your day to day meals, kids clothes and camps.  I would probably want that too. 
I can also see your husband’s side in keeping those expenses down and spending the money on a home theater or expensive vacation.  And his budget for you isn’t crazy low.

I think the problem is that you both are smart people with strong personalities who are used to being right.  Neither of you are willing to be kind of a follower and acquiesce to the other.  You are both also probably friends with people similar to yourselves, who are the dominant people in their marriages, so you find this even more baffling.  “None of my friends wives/husbands are like this…”[/quote]

I feel like I got found out.  Do you know us?  Do you know my friends? Did you also write the previous post about the day to day beans and rice vs splurgy dinners?  Because I never thought about it that way, but thinking on it more, it's probably true that we have different mindsets with regard to our spending.  I do feel like my spouse lacks basic understanding of ALL of the things that need to be paid for and purchased to keep a family and household running.[/quote]

Haha!  I don’t know you :). This makes me feel good to be at least somewhat right though!  I did post about the beans and rice and splurgy dinners.

I am 100% on your side, by the way.  Our household credit card goes to the things that you mentioned, and it’s rare that it’s under $6k/month.  That said, I’m going to guess that you are going to be better off going to your husband and admitting that some of the things you want for your kids (nice family dinners most days, cool extracurriculars, fun camp experiences, attractive house in good repair, clothes that are similar to what their friends are wearing) are kind of expensive, but that it’s important to you to provide those things, and the expensive dinners and fancy vacations are not important to you.

If you tell him that he just doesn’t understand how much running an UMC household costs, he is probably going to get defensive, and I won’t go anywhere.  
[/quote]

Actually my resentment can totally go away with this kind of understanding - that it's not about being controlling or unfair or judgmental about my "overspending", it's just a different mindset, which on some level, I could even probably agree with.  And I think it's a different thing when I can be frugal with our day to day spending with that kind of mindset knowing that we can then spend on more splurgy fun stuff (which I can get on board with) instead of seeing it the way I have been looking at it.  It's like we're both trying to do the same thing from opposite sides, but really we want the same thing.

So, seriously, thank you for that insight, it was helpful![/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics