Reply to Dh has stopped pretending to care and it’s a real bummer

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op - he has adhd as does kid. But possible they both have some asd traits. With ds he does not seem autistic generally speaking. But in this case a little [/quote]

How is your DH's ADHD being treated and managed? Maybe he needs new/different/more meds and an executive function coach. That could enable him to engage more both at work and at home.

I'm a mom with ADD and a SN kid and w/o meds and coaching it was really hard to manage life and work. Like attracts like, my ex had issues and I was not diagnosed until kid was, but we struggled like you describe, especially under stress.

You are also modeling to your ADHD child what a healthy marriage with someone with ADHD can look like. One where limits are acknowledged but also addressed or worked around effectively. You also sound very overwhelmed and should be evaluated for ADHD, anxiety and depression, esp with all you have been through.

If someone with ADHD is checked out on overwhelm don't assume they don't "care" they may not be able to do better without meds and executive function help. You have ALL been through a lot. Get everyone functioning better, routines, outsource, have someone come in and work with the family on ADD issues, whatever you can swing. Go from there. Stop trying to do the same thing and expecting a different result and taking it personally, that shows you may need help with mood or executive functioning too. All of that will make work and family life easier and then you can try to reconnect as a couple. Don't try to use him as a career coach, outsource that or find mentors in your field.

I'm sorry for the health and other challenges, OP. Hang in there. [/quote]

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