Reply to Not sure if this is a money question or relationship question.

Forum Index » Money and Finances

Reply to "Not sure if this is a money question or relationship question. "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]"Repaying" the $45K inheritance makes zero sense for all the reasons previously stated.  I would feel similarly annoyed especially since your parents have your DH in their will, though as you said wills can change and are a long way from being used.  Also, it sounds like your parents are in a better place than his parents, that isn't DH's fault but does make it annoying that DH seems to be the spender.

You've said your DH refuses to discuss the financials.  Maybe frame it as a conversation about priorities, you want to figure out together how he can have his boys trips and you can have things you want and you can achieve your joint savings and travel goals.  Its about figuring out [b]together [/b]how to get everyone what they need (and in your case a lot of what you each want).  In my own relationship, similar conversations have come up when my DH looks at our combined total incomes and feels like there should be some room for to loosen up a little.  I can share what has helped us:
1) Look at AFTER tax income WITHOUT bonuses, which it sounds like you already are.  The numbers are significantly lower which is a good does of reality.  This is what you can count on.  This needs to cover your needs and highest priorities.
2) Create an annual budget so that you capture irregular expenses like car insurance and travel. I don't think it matters much if you then divide that across 12 months or just look at the annual amounts.  How much is left over?  Can some line items be reduced?  Since your DH tends to run from these conversations, I'd stick with broad categories.  For example, "auto" which includes monthly payments, insurance, repairs, and gas.  Some people fine it helpful to divide all expenses by "mandatory" and "discretionary."  Mandatory being things like mortgage, utilities, food.  Others like "fixed" and "variable."  Variable being expense you need to survive but which fluctuate (like food and utilities).
3) Include in your budget the amounts you need for savings goals like a car and home renovation.  Be willing to discuss the timeline and how to prioritize those savings within your budget relative to boys trips AND trips for the two of you.

When DH or I get a bonus we then discuss what to do with it.  We don't plan our monthly spending and savings for things like cars and home repairs based on assumed bonus amounts.  Maybe you and your DH will decide to use this year's bonuses for next year's trips and renovations.

While I disagree with basically everything your DH is saying about money I do have a hard time reconciling a $300K income with not having $1.5K of wiggle room.  I'm not saying you're wrong, just that when those are the only two numbers DH is thinking about.  If he really refuses to discuss any financial priorities with you, then maybe just put the ball in his court and ask him what he thinks you both should cut so he can go on his trip.  You should NOT repay the $45K, but even if you did that money would come from somewhere.

Last thought.  If you are really ok on retirement (you're right to not count on your parents will), but be willing to let him reduce his contributions to his retirement for a $1.5K trip.  Though a trip is one of the worst reasons to reduce retirement accounts if you guys are on track for retirement then a small reduction is fine.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics