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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s like dealing with kids. They make their mistakes, just like you did when they were raising you. I’m sure they forgave you and let it go. I hope you do too.

People never feel their age until the wheels come off like it did in this case. [/quote]

I disagree. (not op). You decide to have kids you need to raise them. Kid's mistakes are nothing like the massive mistakes our parents make that make us rob our own children of our time and attention as we deal with the parent's challenging behavior. Also, I had a rage-a-haulic parent. She couldn't cope with our minor age-appropriate mistakes at all. If I took her approach it would be considered elder abuse.

OP, even if your parents were amazing growing up, you have a right to feel sad, angry, resentful, frustrated. Don't let anyone shame you out of her feelings or make you feel like this is anything like raising an innocent child. It's good you have boundaries. I just focus on managing my anger so I don't take it out on elder (even when elder lashes out), using elder's money to pay for qualified professionals and doing my best to keep my elder safe, while accepting I also have to respect her wishes to remain in an unsafe house that cannot be further elder-proofed.[/quote]

Elderly parents robbing us of time with our kids is a very real thing. I have also seen that our parents often did not sacrifice themselves for their parents, but expect it from our generation. Don't know what to make of that.[/quote]

Because people did not live as long. Most of our parents lost their parents when we were younger. And people didn't move into nursing homes until they really really had to. There are so many threads on people being angry at their parents for not wanting to go into assisted living. I urged my parents not to go into assisted living. It's awful. Please read Being Mortal to understand how most assisted living facilities are run wrong--mostly because of the litigious society we live in. Also, why do you feel you have to jump into your parents' mess? They made their choice, they just have to be fine with the consequences. There's nothing wrong with wanting to live the end of the life the way you want to, even if it means you fall and nobody finds you for 5 days. You die that way, it's still better than wasting away in a "skilled" nursing facility. [/quote]

I don’t fully agree with you. Even if people did die younger, their children also died younger. So some of the same sorts of problems. I grew up in my grandparents neighborhood and saw a lot. Sugar (aka diabetes 2) was a problem for back in the 60s/70s, even dementia though nothing that would be labeled Alzheimer’s yet or maybe not commonly heard.

Also, the age gap tended to be smaller especially between oldest children and the parents. The older children especially daughters were quasi parents to younger siblings, younger siblings then often had care for the parents.

What may be more common today is the prolonging/extension  of the death process. It’s like we prefer to have  zombie-like elderly to letting them die a more dignified death.

I will say again that Dr Emmanuel (Rahm’s brother) has got it right. No major intervention for him after 75. That doesn’t mean he won’t have his vaccinations/flu shots etc but after 75 no cancer treatment for example. I just had a close relative due and I miss her. Would love to have had her a few more years but I’m glad in the end she didn’t have to suffer more than a couple weeks (cancer meds wreaked havoc on her when her cancer came back). I’m watchng another one in late 80s dealing with all sorts of health issues. It’s awful. Thank goodness he doesn’t want do anything at all costs because that the do anything will likely do more harm than good or will not return him to the same quality of life pre-procedure. And this is a person who was an early adopter of regular fitness routines at a gym (eg, in the 1960s). [/quote]

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