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[quote=Anonymous]We have planned well for retirement, but I am still looking into death with dignity other places. It is so sad that the belief in this country is it is better to die a long awful death where you become a shadow of yourself and take advantage of others for years and years than it is to take charge of your own passing and do it peacefully, being able to properly say goodbye and plan.

After so many years of this hell with my mother dehumanizing and me with her entitled and nasty behavior, whatever love I had for her is gone. There were one too many tantrums, demands, manipulations combined with the complete lack of empathy when I had my own health crises and had to stop being her lackey.

I had accepted years ago parenting was not her thing. I accepted that I grew up with someone with mental health challenges she refused to treat. I developed independence early. I accepted she had a superficial and gossipy side. I accepted so many things about my childhood and moved forward and was able to have relationship with her because I could see some of the good side now and then-just enough to keep me going. As she became more needy with age, those good things faded, and her dark side became much darker.

What little she did for her own parents, was done when she had an empty nest. It was amazing to me how she felt so comfortable robbing her grandchildren of my time to get her own needs met.

Then after I was the one doing so much to see she went back to the old dynamics of playing favorites and making me the bad one. OMG.

My boundaries set off her wrath, but perhaps if I set them sooner I would not be at the point of wishing her well, but wanting absolutely nothing to do with her. I now only have memories of abusive behavior because so many years that is what I got.

To the person who thinks it is no big deal driving someone to appointments, etc...assuming you live close and the person behaves and is gracious, it might not be a burden. If you are difficult and entitled try hiring people to do these things. See how much money you spend and how quickly they quit if you treat them as poorly as your offspring.[/quote]

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