Reply to SIL and dad’s funeral

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thanks for this, helpful reminder of the different dynamics. My family is like your DH side, culturally super important to show up. Maybe part of the bristle I feel is the cultural divide (and the sorrow I feel for my mom, as culturally in law relationships are important but my husband’s family — though not my husband — has different cultural values).[/quote]

C’mon OP.  It sounds like LOTS of people showed up.  Are you really gonna penalized those who didn’t.  And, again, what’s your SIL’s personal situation?  Does she have kids?   Does she work?  What kind of help does she have available to her?  Is she really the worst person on earth just because she did not move heaven and earth to get to your father’s funeral?[/quote]

No kids, no serious budget constraints, and has super flex work, has often come down and worked remotely, etc. from our house. She has been to Europe twice this summer for fun, one was last minute decision. So she has the time, money. [b]But I hear the other points [/b]about maybe she thought she did enough. [/quote]

Sounds like you don't hear them, actually.

Here's a counterpoint: she actually did do enough, didn't just think she did.  She reached out, she tried to get a feel for what you wanted from her and your response was "nothing at all."  Doing more or pushing herself on you at that point would be rude, not kind.  You want her to read your mind: she's reading your cold shoulder.  You're not the good guy in this scenario, but maybe "cutting her off" would be doing her a favor.[/quote]

Don’t be a jerk-a couple of genetic texts with someone you are close up is not enough to not be considered cold. And everyone knows it’s nice to send food or something for someone who is very close! Everyone! [/quote]

Don't be a jerk would be better directed at OP.  She's looking for someone to vomit her emotions on and her poor SIL is in the splash zone.[/quote]

So you think a condolence text is enough for someone you are close to. Close lifelong friend’s dad dies and you text “sorry to hear about your dad!” And just don’t mention it anymore or send a card or flowers or something? Or ask how they’re holding up in a week or two? Because those are all things most people know to do. [/quote]

She did call. OP didn't pick up. [/quote]

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