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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]More often it is the reverse; keep having kids until the boy is born. If you can afford it, why not?  [/quote]

No one with a lot of kids wants to hear this, but neglect is common in large families, even those with considerable financial resources. Children do better with more one-on-one time with caregivers, especially parents (nannies do offer good one-on-one time but in very large families even this is shared). At some point in having kids, it is simply not possible to truly know all your kids well. There WILL be a child or children who don't get enough attention or emotional support, and it will screw up that kid.

Certain resources (especially time and attention) are finite. Some families can extend the number of kids they can feasibly have if they have more adults involved (very involved grandparents, for instance) or can really pay for more one-on-one time. So it's not like there's a set number, like don't have more than 2 or don't have more than 4 -- some people can handle those numbers. But there IS a number at which the family will be overtaxed and some or all kids will experience some form of neglect. Thus, having children until you get a specific gender actually is a bad idea, because it will no doubt push people past whatever their particular max on kids is in order to get the girl.

I know of families with 8 or 9 children where the last child is opposite gender of the others -- one or both parents was clearly waiting on their boy/girl. Every one of these families has neglected kids and bad outcomes as a result. It's a terrible idea.[/quote]
I think it depends on (1) amount of parentification that takes place (2) relationship the siblings have with each other (3) age spread amongst the kids.

I know two families in the 5-6 kid range who are super happy and the kids are all successful. I know one in the 10+ range (former neighbor of my parents). Their adult children are thriving and the younger ones are all really sweet and awesome kids. But the mom homeschools them all so spends a lot of time with them and the dad chr back his hours to also spend time with them. I will say the mom always looked worn out and miserable. And I know another family with 9-10 (went to same church) and the mom was not equipped emotionally or financially to deal with them (the dad died) and the oldest daughter had to leave college and help raise her siblings and the oldest brother got on drugs and OD-Ed.

I do wonder about a generational split as many people’s grandparents were from large families. My paternal grandfather was one of 8 and always spoke fondly of his parents, childhood, and loved all his siblings very much. When he was dying he told me one of the things he was looking forward to the most was seeing his brothers and sisters again. [/quote]

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