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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]More often it is the reverse; keep having kids until the boy is born. If you can afford it, why not?  [/quote]

No one with a lot of kids wants to hear this, but neglect is common in large families, even those with considerable financial resources. Children do better with more one-on-one time with caregivers, especially parents (nannies do offer good one-on-one time but in very large families even this is shared). At some point in having kids, it is simply not possible to truly know all your kids well. There WILL be a child or children who don't get enough attention or emotional support, and it will screw up that kid.

Certain resources (especially time and attention) are finite. Some families can extend the number of kids they can feasibly have if they have more adults involved (very involved grandparents, for instance) or can really pay for more one-on-one time. So it's not like there's a set number, like don't have more than 2 or don't have more than 4 -- some people can handle those numbers. But there IS a number at which the family will be overtaxed and some or all kids will experience some form of neglect. Thus, having children until you get a specific gender actually is a bad idea, because it will no doubt push people past whatever their particular max on kids is in order to get the girl.

I know of families with 8 or 9 children where the last child is opposite gender of the others -- one or both parents was clearly waiting on their boy/girl. Every one of these families has neglected kids and bad outcomes as a result. It's a terrible idea.[/quote]

+1
I'm the neglected middle in a family who kept trying for a boy.[/quote]

It's super common in large families. I don't get why it's not discussed more. I guess it might be because some members of large families thrive (often the oldest and youngest kids, who have the firmest identity growing up and get the most attention/resources as bookends) so it's easy to say "ah well, some people do great, some struggle, that's just how it goes." But I cannot tell you how many middle children in large families I know who just have major issues, often linked to insecurity and low self-esteem, and it's just very obvious that if you grow up feeling invisible to your parents, it's going to be harder to develop a strong sense of self.[/quote]

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