Reply to Anyone's teen DD's (esp. 16 and up) just not interested in dating?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]my 14 year old DS is interested in dating. however, he is not allowed till college. we talk about crushes and I'm open to him about it. but he ain't allowed till college.[/quote]

Wouldn't you rather be around to help him navigate his first relationship? Instead of off at college? [/quote]

:roll: Yes, because teen boys totally want their mommies navigating their romantic relationships. Time to land that helicopter![/quote]

NP: I'm STUNNED that several of you think the idea of "being around to help a 14 or 16 yr old navigate their first relationship" is somehow a crazed helicopter parent that will make their child miserable.  As both a licensed social worker and as a parent of 3 kids who are now past their teens, there is NO QUESTION that being available to check in with them, ask how things are going, and when any of them seemed REALLY DOWN being a sounding board for them for whatever was going on in the relationship was, by their own description now, a "life-saver".

It is NOT about dictating what should happen or digging for every detail. It's about offering perspective or asking questions that help them maybe see a situation differently and view it from many angles so they can make a more informed or thoughtful choice about what they want to do.

With my 1st girl when she was about 15 she was boy crazy & so were most of her friends. I didn't freak out about that, but I just tried to show that I'd be available to talk if she wanted to, and also that I cared that she felt good about the relationship. The first guy she really liked who asked her out, the first time she showed me a video of his, I said "That guy is a player" and she got very upset with me. We told her it was her choice if she dated him, she did, and later she found out he was still "talking to" his ex, and 2 other young ladies. I didn't say "I told you so!" (though had to fight back from saying it), instead I asked her what signs she felt like she saw but ignored because she liked him so much, and she really thought about it and told me some big signs she now realizes she ignored. When she visibly really sad & tired & didn't seem herself, I can't imagine not having noticed it, checked in, and offering her some ideas or other views of her situation & then supported her in whatever choice she made.

My DS in the middle started "dating" at 14 because there was a lot of pressure from other guys at his high school to ask (mostly girls) out.  But he eventually found a girl who was similarly interested in the appearance of being a couple but actually not obsessed with actually being boyfriend/girlfriend, and they ended up being great friends and went on to date again later in high school, that time more romantically.  But he seemed to really benefit from being told by me that he was the only person who could say how much or how little he should date and how serious or light the relationship should be.

And lastly, the 1st time each of my kids felt their hearts were broken, I am SO glad I could be there for them to either cry to or just hang around even if they didn't want to talk much about it. They still seemed to feel relief that I was nearby and noticed they were not ok.  And they got through it but who doesn't benefit from having a known, trusted shoulder to lean on during 1st heartbreaks? And we all know high school friends can be competitive or 2-faced or just too wrapped up in their own stuff or their own GF/BF to be there sometimes when your kid is feeling sad and alone.

All you trying to shame that PP for asking wouldn't the parent rather be around to help their kid navigate that first love, wow, you really think 14, 15, 16 yr olds should be out there on their own in their first relationships and you mind your own business or be glad they don't date until college where there is pretty much NO oversight, and so many new things in their environments to navigate you think that's the best place for them to also figure out dating for the 1st time? SO glad you weren't my role models for parenting and that my parents respected my privacy but totally checked in and were sounding boards when I needed them![/quote]

I didn’t date in high school, and looking back now, I realize it’s because I knew my parents were in a toxic relationship and would give me nothing but bad advice, and I didn’t really have any other trusted adults in my life to which I could reach out for advice. [/quote]

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