Reply to How polite are you obligated to be to someone who is unwittingly rude or inconsiderate?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know people like you, OP.

They get so anxious and agitated about the perceived slights that they cannot see how "being blunt" is an over-reaction, and rude in itself. They do not have the emotional maturity to express themselves more politely in as few words as possible. "So sorry, need to reach over here" and you get your eggs. The tone is important as well. Apologetic, while reaching the eggs. No shoving, just start moving into your space smoothly while you say it.

All this speaks to a lack on your part, of social know-how. It's emotional quotient and verbal ability that's the problem here.

Please do better. Otherwise you're going to come across like an antisocial bear.

[/quote]

I think you are misunderstanding who is overreacting here.

Bluntly telling someone who is in the middle of doing something rude or inconsiderate "you need to stop" is not an overreaction. It's a direct communication of needs. If I'm cooking dinner for 12 and uncle bob comes in to put on a pot of tea because he's decided that's important right now, bluntly telling him that no, he needs to get out of the way so that I can finish making dinner, is not an overreaction. Sure, I could be super nice about it but I don't think I have to be. Uncle Bob is in the wrong and I'm just letting him know he needs to move.

But what happens is that when you bluntly communicate these things to people, sometimes THEY overreact. Suddenly you are mean and terrible because you didn't stop everything to accommodate them, or because you didn't carefully calibrate your tone. But this is them being overly sensitive.

Look, everyone messes up sometimes. But when you mess up and someone corrects you, just accept it and move on. It is so tedious when someone is in the wrong, knows their in the wrong, but still somehow blames you because you didn't explain it to them nicely enough. Grow up![/quote]

In your cooking example, it sounds like you are stressed and you don't like Uncle Bob very much in general. Uncle Bob also seems unaware of how his presence and tea making is interfering with your work. But your response, in the example, comes across as rude. If you changed a few words, it wouldn't sound rude, it would sound understandably exasperated and most folks would not get upset. "Hey Uncle Bob, I need that burner right now for the soup." "Uncle Bob, kitchens off limits for the next 30 minutes. Sorry!"

I think you should re-read your last paragraph and contemplate how it applies to you.[/quote]

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