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[quote=Anonymous]Adult adoptee here. And I contacted my BM through Facebook last year. (Guess that makes me trailer trash too.)  It has worked out ok, but we're still figuring out the kinks. Honestly, I'm not sure I would do it again, if given the option.

So, I contacted BM because I was intensely curious about that part of my identity, but I never had that longing or feelings of rejection that some of the posters have been attributing to all adoptees. In fact, it never occurred to me that I was rejected. I was always told that my adoption was an act of love on the part of all parties and I believed (and still believe) that.  I realize that some adoptees do not have this experience, but I would definitely not assume anything about any adoptee's feelings - ever. In this case, she may feel rejected or she may just be really, really curious or maybe she has other feelings that we're not imagining.

Anyway, this takes me to why I am ambivalent about having contacted my BM. I did it to satisfy my curiosity, but it opened a huge chapter in her life that she had very carefully kept closed. Now she wants to have the daughter she never had and I struggle to not take responsibility for those feelings. (BTW - in no way have I felt sad that she kept her other children. That's kind of a strange thing to assume, pp.) I am prepared to be in her life, but not as her child. I have a mom and a dad and a loving family and that's just that. So, we're trying to find another kind of relationship. Some days we're better at this than others. Don't know yet if it will work. It was a huge price to pay to satisfy a curiosity though.

Bottom line - anyone who thinks they know how anyone else might or will feel in this type of situation is kidding themselves. And OP, be prepared. It could get a lot more complicated than you think and it could get complicated in ways you might never be able to envision. As a BTDT poster, all I can say is that you should dig deep to get as compassionate as you can about your feelings and hers (when you know what they are), and be really, really upfront and honest about what you want and why you are doing this both with her and with yourself. Then just be prepared for it to be a work in progress for a long, long time.[/quote]

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