Reply to When people who don’t know you, dislike you

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You're prettier than they are. So they hate on you. Tale as old as time.[/quote]

^This.[/quote]

When I’ve seen this happen before (disliking a woman for little apparent reason), it’s often because the woman is attractive enough to be a threat (pretty, stylish, in good shape, great personality, often wealthy), but of not sufficiently high status that it’s better to have her as an ally. [/quote]

Can you explain this thinking? How could someone be a threat to you but not have high status? Also, what is the threat, exactly? Are you single, and this applies to single women you feel you are competing with for men? What else could you be competing over?[/quote]

Sure. Here's my thinking - feel free to push me where you disagree. I think it's a bit of a paradox.

1. Some women believe they are "always between husbands." That is to say, where they perceive an opportunity to upgrade, they'll be making notes of eligible men in the unfortunate event of divorce or death of their own husband. They're also going to be perceiving threats - women their husbands find attractive. At best, their husbands may be comparing their wives unfavorably to that other woman (even prettier, smarter, more nurturing, more outgoing). At worst, she's a potential affair partner. So when you're attractive enough, even if everyone is attractive and married, you're still a potential threat to their own marriage or simply self-esteem.

2. Not everyone capitalizes on their most "marketable" strengths such that she makes herself the Queen Bee. We've all met this woman. Imagine someone who largely defines herself by her intellect and work ethic; she may be quite pretty, but it's sort of tangential to who she is as a person. So she knows she's pretty, and she takes care of herself, but she is not/has no desire to be the woman who walks into a room and commands attention from all the men. Or take for example, the woman who is very wealthy, but simply doesn't share that she owns a $3m primary home and a $2m vacation home. She's not the woman who drops that at the PTA meetings, offers to host an event, and uses that capital to increase her status. If these women DID try to maximize status through those assets, the original Queen Bee has an assessment to make: does she challenge the new woman? Become friends to keep her (frenemy) closer? It's all a big risk assessment based on status.

Thoughts? If I can think of a real life example, I'll come back and share.[/quote]

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