Reply to Please help! Should elderly mom with dementia come on annual beach trip -- siblings disagree!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s an annual trip. She had dementia last year and went (presumably).  Was her break from routine traumatic?  Everyone is advising not to take her this year as if a switch just flipped and she suddenly will be bereft without her normal routine — sounds self serving to me.  Keep taking her on the annual trip until actual experience proves that it’s a mistake.  Of course that day will come at some point.  [/quote]

To me, OP's post sounded self-serving (not intentionally) in that the family will feel guilty without Mom/Grandma there, so taking her would assuage that guilt so they can enjoy themselves (at least that's how they feel on the front end). I think the selfless approach here is to consider what's best for Mom/Grandma -- and also what's best for the rest of the family -- out of practicality, not out of guilt. I'm on Team Don't Take Her, because I don't think it's in her best interests to be taken out of her routine and taken to a strange place for 10 days, especially if the entire trip is not planned around her and she gets left behind while the kids are taken to the beach, for example. I'm also on Team Don't Take Her because life goes on, and the family deserves to have a fun vacation planned around what the adults and kids want to do. I think the better idea is to a) make sure someone visits her during the vacation, and b) see if it's feasible to plan a day trip around her that really focuses on what she would enjoy and what's within her current capacity.[/quote]

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