Reply to Anyone else realize how crappy their own mother was once you became a mother yourself?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry you're getting so much backlash from the privleged, OP. My father was a raging, abusive @$$hole.  I never understood why my mother stayed with my father but considered her a victim much like my siblings and I were.  Yet, when my younger two kids were about the same age as my first memories of my younger brother and I, I woke up to just how horrific my childhood was and how complicit my mother was in it.  It so discombobulated me that I had to go back to counseling.  I couldn't/can't understand why she didn't protect us, why she continued to allow us to live in that kind of environment.  She was educated, had resources and a supportive family on her side.  Hell, even my paternal grandmother supported her!

It's been about 15 years since I had that revelation.  I still have a relationship with my mother and she's an excellent grandmother (easier since my father's long dead and her 2nd DH died 10 years ago) but she laments that we're not closer.  People can't understand why her kids are so distant with her because, to everyone else, she's an amazing person - and she is, to them. She's lucky any of us have a relationship with her.  [/quote]

Do you think you yourself would be the best mother you could be if you were married to a raging, abusive @$$hole?[/quote]

I'm the PP you're responding to and I'd be interested in learning more about why you posted this.  I'm not being snarky, I'm genuinely curious.  It seems that you don't think anyone should judge their mothers.  Did I get that right?

But, to answer your question, no one has posted that they expected the 'best mother'.  I think it's reasonable to expect mothers should 'do no harm' and to 'protect'.  In my case, my mother failed at the most basic responsibility. She didn't protect us and allowed/witnessed great harm.  This is why when I observed my 2 younger kids interacting that I was triggered.  I can't imagine how anyone would refuse to put a stop to it. Why have kids?[/quote]

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