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[quote=Anonymous]OP, thanks for coming back, but we still have questions!

Is it the DW who values the relationship with OW, or is the DW trying to accommodate the DH's sorrow at losing OW?

Was the emotional affair like the PP above, with sexting etc.?

In any event, unless your definition of emotional affair is extremely mild or possibly one-sided, it's just not a good idea. And honestly, unless one of them was locked in prison, chances are good it was actually some kind of PA anyway. Want to know how I know? Because my husband confessed to an EA, and I'm no dummy, but the OW lives 7,000 miles away so I thought that would be an impediment. Nope! Where there's a will, there's a way.

In the two weeks when I didn't know about the PA, he tried to maintain the friendship. He "couldn't figure out" how to unfriend someone on FB. He whined to me that it was hard to lose someone he'd grown close to. I said, oh, you need emotional support? Let me loop in your (male) best friend because you will NOT be unloading this on me. And guess what, his best friend was not impressed and suddenly he didn't need to vent about it to anyone. He expected me to listen and accommodate because he was still both minimizing and justifying the affair.

When lines are crossed, there's collateral damage. If OW didn't want to lose her friendship with either party, or the cheating spouse didn't want to lose their friendship with OW, then the answer was not to cross the lines. They can't be uncrossed. You can't unring a bell. And it sucks, because if the OW was a friend of the DW, then that's just one more crappy thing the DW needs to swallow. But you can't rewind time.

Somehow I doubt this is the case, but if you are the DW and you are wishing you could still have a relationship with OW, then that relationship should be separate from your marriage. The DH and the OW cannot be friends anymore. But if the DW/OW relationship has unusually deep ties, maybe familial, then sure, you can find some way to maintain contact. Just without your spouse.[/quote]

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