Reply to Single mom IVF- Fair to future child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The real question is - is it fair to the mom? Everyone talks about how great kids are but that reality is that it is grinding, hard work that often doesn't pay off. Kids aren't always light and love. Plus, if your kid has a problem, behavioural or physical - which is more likely with IVF - there is no one else to rely on. When I was in my 30's, I thought how sad I'd be if I didn't have kids - but now I look at all my friends who don't have kids and they are having a much better time than I am. [/quote]

I tried to be a SMBC. I had family support, I selected a donor, and I tried for several years. I went as far as hiring a surrogate for my last embryo. I was ready to move on to donor eggs or embryos but then Covid happened and by the time things got back to normal I was on the other side of 45. 
When I started the process, I thought I'd die if it didn't work out. But...I'm okay. Life seems so much more challenging and the future more uncertain than it was ten years ago, my nieces and nephews are teenagers now, my parents suddenly seem very old. I'm sure I'd manage, because I'd have to manage, but it would be really hard. I still get sad about it sometimes but I'm not sure if the sadness is about not raising a child or about feeling like I've missed out or failed at a life experience that people are "supposed to" have. I'm glad that I tried. I don't really have any regrets about not settling down with a man I didn't love for the sake of having children or not starting the process sooner. I made what I thought were the right choices at the time I made them, and I'm mostly at peace with life.

Your question "is it fair to the mom?" is an interesting one. I had years to contemplate if it would be fair to my child, but I never thought about whether it was fair to me. [/quote]

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