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[quote=Anonymous]Basic advice:

(1)  Help her notice what she likes about herself.  Not what the popular girls seem to have.  Not what the boys sseem to like.  Not even what you like about her.  Help her notice what she likes about herself.

One fun way to do this is to make it a game/bedtime ritual.  Call it the "Like Game."  You could even do it together.  Each night, you and your DD could each share one thing you "liked" about your day, and one thing you "liked" about yourself that day.  Or you could call it "one good thing" -- one about the day, and one about her/you.

(2)  Make sure she has at least ONE friend who likes and accepts her for who she is.  I can't remember where I read it, but there was a great article saying that having one trusted friend is enough to get most kids through even the worst mean girl / bullying crap at school.

(3)  Encourage her to read.  My childhood and teen years were full of books, and I couldn't help but notice the variety and diversity in the different characters.  I think I somehow absorbed the message that there's not one mold -- there are so many ways to be likeable, good and happy in life.  I also realized there's a big, huge world out there, far beyond my narrow junior high and high school.  It helped me think big and look beyond the day-to-day of the popularity game.

(4)  Shift the focus AWAY from the other girls.  I'm sure you mom meant well by saying they were unhappy/insecure/jealous etc., but all that guessing about what might be going on in their heads and hearts can sometimes be a distraction from helping your DD notice what's going on in hers.

(5)  Finally, encourage her to take the high road.  Always.  If she spends her childhood and teen years learning how to be the best version of herself under ALL circumstances -- easy and challenging, alike -- she will be so well prepared to soar as an adult.

One last thing, and I mean this in the nicest way possible:  you need to find a way to let go of your childhood pain.  Clearly the pain is still eating away at you, and you deserve to be happier.  So whether it's therapy or some self-help with a really on-point book, do whatever you can to let it go.  Until you move forward, you carry pain and risk passing problems on to your kids.  (I say this as the daughter of a mom who did just that.  Though her intentions with me were nothing but good, her advice on how to navigate social issues was so painfully wrong.  I had to spend my 20s re-learning so much, including some of what I shared above.)[/quote]

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