Reply to Trying to get over husband’s affair

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Jesus Christ it’s only been six weeks and you’re already having sex with him?

I don’t care if there’s some way you could magically know whether is intention was really to leave or stay. He said horrible, humiliating things about you to another woman that he was banging, all while being cruel to you at home. That is a place that I could never come back from. I could perhaps come back from the sex piece, but not cruel words about me to the woman he’s sleeping with on the side. Zero respect.

I know this sounds harsh. But you do NOT deserve what he’s done to you. I think affairs can be recovered from in some cases, but this is beyond the pale. [/quote]

Yes, it’s actually the things he said versus the sex itself that’s been the hardest.  They included:

He was repulsed by me
Not emotionally invested ever 
Never wanted to marry me 
Stayed as we have a child with a disease 
She was “put in his path” so he could finally get the courage to leave 
I was over-weight (I’m attractive but 53 and have had about ten stubborn extra pounds during menopause) 
He was seeing a therapist to try to figure out how to tell me 
He was in love with her - his words 
He pursued her pretty aggressively I’d say she was hesitant due to him being married

[/quote]

Did he says these things to you? Or to the OW

Gurl, if he said these to the OW they are in no way shape or form based in his actual thinking. It’s a fantasy person he created to convince the OW to bang him.[/quote]

Yes I believe that’s true that they were said to 1) convince her he wasn’t happy in marriage; 2) that I was unattractive (I’m not); 3) to convince himself that he was justified in his actions [/quote]

She shared screen shots of texts [/quote]

OP - even if DH is unhappy, finds you unattractive and wanted to do what he did - it doesn't mean that those things are true of YOU or that anything is wrong with YOU.  Listen - Beyonce got cheated on.  Relationships end.  Your DH may want out of the marriage, and it is a common mentality that this desire must be justified by there something wrong with the other person.  xoxo[/quote]

OP here.  Agree.  He absolutely doesn’t now and actually didn’t want out then either though he did want some things in our marriage to change, which we are working on as I agree there were areas for improvement [/quote]

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