Reply to Trying to get over husband’s affair

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Jesus Christ it’s only been six weeks and you’re already having sex with him?

I don’t care if there’s some way you could magically know whether is intention was really to leave or stay. He said horrible, humiliating things about you to another woman that he was banging, all while being cruel to you at home. That is a place that I could never come back from. I could perhaps come back from the sex piece, but not cruel words about me to the woman he’s sleeping with on the side. Zero respect.

I know this sounds harsh. But you do NOT deserve what he’s done to you. I think affairs can be recovered from in some cases, but this is beyond the pale. [/quote]

Yes, it’s actually the things he said versus the sex itself that’s been the hardest.  They included:

He was repulsed by me
Not emotionally invested ever 
Never wanted to marry me 
Stayed as we have a child with a disease 
She was “put in his path” so he could finally get the courage to leave 
I was over-weight (I’m attractive but 53 and have had about ten stubborn extra pounds during menopause) 
He was seeing a therapist to try to figure out how to tell me 
He was in love with her - his words 
He pursued her pretty aggressively I’d say she was hesitant due to him being married

[/quote]

You said the OW shared this list with you--your DH didnt. Does he now know you have seen these communications he had with OW? Does he know you have this list of supposed issues he fed to her? I would hope this has all cone out very clearly in therapy--?? If not, why not? If so, what did he respond?[/quote]

Yes, I shared with him as soon as she shared with me. This was in the first few days after discovery.  He knows how much I struggle with these messages/words.  He believes all were lies to get her to stay with him and he is extremely remorseful and honestly has a hard time witnessing the pain they have caused me and the intrusive several times a day thoughts and self esteem issues and anger  I have related to these words, he is in agony too (as he should be) to have hurt me this deeply and that he was capable of this [/quote]

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