Reply to Sharing an ASD dx with child when you're not sure if you buy it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 14 year old daughter has autism.  She has 6 or 7 good friends and really enjoys spending time with them and I've seen her have great conversations with them.  She does fine, but sometimes she wants to get her little point in even if the conversation drifts in another direction.  She is great at one on one conversations.  She does have outsize emotions and reacts strongly to things that NT people do not have such big reactions for, and a lot of that is probably related to having trouble understanding and so being able to predict/control her own emotions.  Helping her learn how to manage her emotions is the biggest battle for us, not helping her fit in socially or develop relationships.

I'm the PP whose daughter wishes we hadn't waited to tell her her ASD diagnosis and I see that basically nobody in this thread agrees with me that you should tell your son.  Our daughter wishes we had told her when we knew.  We waited a year, and you have already waited a few years.  I don't know how else to express how strongly she feels that she was owed the information we withheld, which we believed we withheld out of care for her and her view of herself.  ymmv.  Good luck to you.[/quote]

pp what were her symptoms that caused you to get her tested?[/quote]

CBT therapy for managing her emotions wasn't helping; she didn't like it and didn't want to do it or the homework.  Then group therapy with a bunch of other girls (many of whom were older) was a bust and she wasn't fitting in.  And she was still having big emotions at school and at home, mostly evidenced through crying.  (I think a lot of girls turn their emotions and actions inwards and reflect their emotions through crying, while boys will sometimes turn their emotions outwards and yell or get mad or act out.  But I think it's the same basic emotional issue and both genders often ultimately blame themselves for these big emotions that other kids don't seem to have problems with.)

Her social skills as a girl were more obviously a little behind in a group of older girls than they were among kids her own age, fwiw.  Reading cues about what to say and how to respond to the pecking order in girl group relationships as a 10 year old among other tweens was a little beyond her, and I do think girl relationships as tweenagers can be difficult and challenging even for NTs.  My cousin says there's a whole social order re who can respond to instagram posts and how quickly you need to comment and what types of things you can say -- that's bonkers!  My kid is certainly not on that social level, and her emotional reactions at school also have an effect on her social relationships.  But she still has good friends and good relationships at school, has decent one on one conversations with friends and her family, has fun at summer camp, etc.  [/quote]

op - this is so interesting - so she does not have any special interests or sensory issues?[/quote]

She doesn't like tags in the back of her shirts.  She has hobbies that she enjoys and spends time on -- she likes to sew, and spends a bunch of free time sewing, but she doesn't feel the need to talk about sewing all the time.  She likes memes.  She doesn't seem all that different from a bunch of other kids, until you stress her out, and then she tends to lose it and cry when other kids would just somehow deal.  [/quote]

op - this is so interesting bc this seems like emotional regulation as the core deficit that gained you the asd dx? or is it that the emotional outbursts are related to social issues?
I think this is where a lot of parents are getting tripped up where kids are getting asd dx based on emotional regulation which may be fine and great, but diverges from most people's understanding of the core deficits that constitute a dx. [/quote]

+1 I'm the pp making confusing posts around this because I can't seem to get my words out this morning but this is exactly where I'm surprised and tripped up.[/quote]

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