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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. To all dealing with the same - much love. And thank you for the kind comments. It’s all so upsetting because downsizing would solve ALL the problems. They can stay cross-country, my sister could still live with them and help, and they’d have money to hire in caregivers as needed. Then if they needed X or Y I would more than be willing to pay for it. I just can’t keep throwing good money away and solve nothing because we will run out of money as well. My sister seems to think money is not a finite thing. I even told her at one point that we have plenty of space in our home and they can move to us, put their home on the market, and she can feel free to live her own life, either moving here or staying in the town she’s been in for years. She goes on a screaming fits about how is she going to afford to pay her own way, etc, and how I need to house her too. It’s all SO tiring.

I do think though I found an organization that can help us get set up with the state so she can be their paid caregiver in their home, given that both are disabled and cash poor. I left a phone message with the agency. She’s already CPR certified and only needs a day of training. The question is, will she do that training as it’s in the next city over (think Great Falls to Falls Church in distance) but her OCD won’t allow her to drive there. I will definitely pay for an Uber Black to and from, but she might be either too OCD to attend. If that’s the case and no one will still engage, I’ll be forced to call in a social worker[/quote]
What do you think a social worker will do?   Your sister is doing the best she can. [/quote]

If my parents are unsafe and need more help, they can get them more help. I am fully willing to take both of them into my home - we have plenty of space. With the sale of their home, they can now afford to hire in some day to day help. Again, if you think they are safe where they are in the situation they are, you can feel free to pay for everything all three of them can't afford anymore.[/quote]

Why can't you hire help for them now?  It sounds like a money grab as once they come you are going to complain about caring for them.  You expecting your sister to quit her job to become their low paid caregiver is unreasonable.  Why not bring in a different paid caregiver?   Only a few states pay for a relative to be a paid caregiver and the pay is very very low and she cannot live off of it.  You are not going to be happy being their caregiver and if you were you'd fly out regularly and actually help.

No social worker can force anything if they are ok, which it sounds like they are.[/quote]

Because (a) the cost for in-home help is way too expensive for us to shoulder and burning through our retirement savings to help them will put the burden on my own kids. Won’t do that (b)  if they sold their home to come live with me, they would have money from the sale of their home to pay for a caregiver for themselves in a free, safe place to live, where I can also help (c) with them free so any money she makes caring for them is a bonus to her as her job pays very little as it is, and now she doesn’t have to do both (d) due to our own family obligations, I cannot fly back and forth and stay for months at a time. They would have a ton of support on the East Coast, including me. They have no friends where they are anymore, no family, etc. My mother would come in a heartbeat, actually. She’s afraid to for various reasons.[/quote]

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