Reply to Vent- Sibling always ruins mother's day

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Vent- Sibling always ruins mother's day"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]The first 2 pages of responses for this post all agree that OP (and their mom) could just block the sibling's posts, and that this sounds like a enmeshed family with possible narcissism and a golden child dynamic.

These type of families live in the shadows all too often, which doesn't help break the cycle. So here are the red flags that I saw in the original post....it great that so many other posters saw them too.

"They were just a very wild baby, crazy child and a difficult personality"- How does OP know that? Maybe they are much older than the sibling, but most people don't remember their sibling as a baby. Are they just repeating (and owning) something they've been told? If so, it's a telltale sign of these types of families. The parent(s) sets the narrative on how everyone is supposed to feel about everything, and you either follow along or you face the consequences.

"They were constantly in trouble (not with the law or in school thankfully!)"- This is another interesting bit of information. How is a child "constantly in trouble" if the law/school are not involved? What strict rules were in the home and how was this child always breaking them? Another thing with these type of families is the black and white thinking which is part of the golden child dynamic. Sounds like this sibling may have been labeled the "bad" kid, so the scapegoat. Even if the scapegoat acts the same as other people in the family, their actions would be seen as wrong. As a side note, it's also interesting that the OP needs to clarify that this wasn't at school or with the law....so the thing that would have made the sibling's issues public knowledge. These families are VERY concerned with public appearance and it seems like OP may be parroting that here.

"Probably the complete opposite of me and my other sibling, who just did what my parents said"- Woah. Your post is to vent about your sibling and we're just a few sentences in and you need to make sure we know that YOU and your other siblings were are the opposite of them. Ok. This feels like the bullying that goes along with the golden child/scapegoat dynamic. Not only does everyone have a role, but the goldens/parents are very invested in making sure the roles stick. It's always super important that they are superior. That way they can put all of the bad traits onto the scapegoat and not have to worry about themselves.

"I'm not bragging, just explaining why my parents found my sibling difficult and it was probably worse in comparison to us"- This also also a speech pattern used in these types of families. They will start with "I don't mean to do this" and then do that exact thing. It's meant as a distraction, so if accused, they can go back and say "but you know I never do this thing". And it may seem silly reading about it here, but it works...especially on kids, because they tend to believe what their parents say. OP may be talking here the way she's been spoken to.

"Every year about a week before Mother's Day my sibling starts the blame game."- Calling it a game minimizes what the sibling is actually going through. These families minimize issues when they don't want to face them.

"spankings (these happened very few times)"- That's an interesting way of minimizing spanking your kids. I guess a few times is ok?

"I think people didn't use Adderall and Ritalin as much then, their psychiatrists recommended against it and my sibling had organizational coaches instead"- Again with the minimizing. Other replies have pointed out that, for people in their 40s, these medications WERE used a lot. So this may not even be true.

"My sibling lived a cushy existence with two incredibly involved parents who cared deeply about them. Parents paid for college, grad school, new cars, and bought them their first house cash."- In these type of families, material goods are provided and equated with being a loving parent. And it's confusing to the kids, because all of their material needs are being met. So it feels like they have everything, but this is all there is. And there are strings attached to these purchases (and not just the big ticket ones). You can see the strings in this post...the things that the parents bought for the sibling are being used to make an argument about how bad/ungrateful the sibling is. How dare the sibling be so difficult when their parents bought them a house. Look at how great these parents are! Wouldn't you be happy if someone bought you a house?

"The people who comment on their instagram posts have real problems, like drug addicted parents who physically and emotionally abused them. But sibling is so vague about their abuse that people think my parents were abusive"- More minimizing. Sibling is being vague and that's the only reason why their insta followers seem to be supporting them. Couldn't possibly be real.

"We're in our 40s now."- Not a lot of words here, but in these type of families, no one wants to be accountable and actually talk about any issues. It's typical to be told that stuff was in the past and to just get over it. I wonder if that's what this is getting at. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics