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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]People on this thread are calling OP enmeshed because she was a decently behaved teen and cares that he mom is upset.  I have a very different definition of enmeshed.  Op, you sound like a normal, caring person.  I have a sibling whose adult child is a d-ck to them and I feel really badly for them.  It hurts because they love them, and it’s really hard when you love someone and tried to do right by them, and they reject you.  That’s not narcissism — that’s human.[/quote]

No, we are reacting to the lack of acknowledgment on the part of OP and her parents that her sibling suffered from ADHD but was not medicated. It's obvious from your reply that you don't understand how terrible that is. Kids who have moderate to severe ADHD and are without meds cannot control their impulses, don't have a good sense of time, cannot get organized and may always be tardy despite their best efforts. It's immensely stressful to know that even when you try your best, you are going to forget something important. You beat yourself up every day. Others criticize you, call you lazy and dumb. It torpedos your self-esteem and sets you up for lifelong insecurity, with all its private and professional consequences for adult life. It is traumatic, and I do not use this word lightly.

So no. Refusing to treat diagnosed ADHD is parental neglect. I am very serious about this. OP's story happened a generation ago, and who knows how the parents were educated on the subject. But they did know something was wrong, ADHD was mentioned, they talked to a psych, they could have sought a second opinion, and tried meds anyway... and they did not.

I can totally relate to the sibling's deep sense of anger, betrayal and resentment, if no one in the family is willing to acknowledge that they did not treat this child as they should have.

I also think that if this person is in their 40s, they should have moved on already, even with a lack of family apology. 
But this is where they are right now. And OP and family still have no clue and continue to blame the sibling.

If I were the sibling, I'd have written off my family a long time ago.
[/quote]

You are projecting and inventing a he!! of a lot into OP’s posts.

Also, very, very few professionals were diagnosing and treating ADHD until maybe 2000–XDH didn’t get a diagnosis until 2015 and his brother, who had serious issues and was treated by a highly-regarded Bethesda specialist, didn’t get a diagnosis until about 2000.

But sure, flame the parents for what you rush to call “neglect” even though they did they best they could with the knowledge that was available at the time. It’s soooo convenient to blame others, isn’t it?

If it isn’t obvious, I’m really sick of DCUM’s whiny adult children who think they’re the star of everybody else’s lives and everybody else is wholly to blame. No, there’s no contradiction between having sympathy for XDH and his brother while at the same time being disgusted with deeply self-centered posters like you. [/quote]

They used to re-train left handed people to be right handed.

The parents thought they were doing the right thing, even when in some cases the child was hit for using their left hand.

You don’t have to “blame” the parents for doing, objectively, the wrong thing, to sympathize with the child who recognizes in adulthood they were mistreated. That’s the adult child’s right. We all deserve to have the truth recognized. [/quote]

Well great. You’re acknowledging that maybe the parents aren’t total ogres and were perhaps doing the best they could.

Then why is it necessary to castigate OP for being, in your imagination, the golden child who was adored by, again in your imagination, partisan parents who you think neglected and abused the brother?

You made this all up in your rush to blame the parents and OP for everything. It’s gross. [/quote]

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