Reply to For those who struggle with ILs, do you feel guilty?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would think people would realize that they choose their inlaws when they choose the inlaw's child.  Especially now that most people don't marry until they are well into their 20s or more likely in their 30s.  Seems like people that old ought to realize it's a package deal and there could be a lot of strife in your life if you accept difficult people as your inlaws.  But, I guess most people aren't willing to pass on a person who has difficult parents even though they may have an inkling that there will be a hefty price to pay.[/quote]

Nah. Frankly parents' roles with their kids change when kids marry. Kids no longer are your nuclear family and they're building their own family. Parents move into a friend role vs an active parenting role. Some parents are rigid and unable to change, particularly moms of sons because they're so used to doing everything for the son.

Also, a lot of parents lose their minds when grandkids come into the picture. I felt kind of abandoned before we had kids and then all of a sudden, EVERYONE wanted us for every single holiday. We spent our 20s having fun together, enjoying being married, traveling a lot. When we had kids, people were straight up offended that we'd go on a vacation with our kids and not invite them. And how dare we travel to a different country when we could be traveling to them instead. [/quote]

Your second paragraph is SO spot-on. Always thought I got super lucky with the ILs until we had kids. Now we are being accused of withholding the grandchildren when we’ve never done that, are trying to give equal time to both sets of grandparents, while both working FT and juggle kids activities. It’s been such a turnoff and I feel for my husband, he is definitely embarrassed by his mom’s behavior in particular. [/quote]

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