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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your big problem is your debt. That's what is making your income feel "not enough."

I think the first thing you need to do is sit down with a financial advisor, or on your own if you think you can do it, and come up with a plan to pay off your student loans rapidly. If you have some loans locked in at very low rates, maybe keep those on a payment plan, but everything else, you should be looking to just pay off. I'd be looking to pay those off either entirely or at least anything at more than a 3% interest rate, within 24 months. If you can get rid of that debt, or at least get it down to maybe 50-60k locked in at low interest rates, it's going to totally change how you view your budget. Plus, that kind of debt when you have kids is a massive source of stress. Since the stress levels of your DH's job are an issue, you need to be looking for ways to eliminate other sources of stress.

I think your goal should be to get to the point where you can either quit your job OR afford a full time housekeeper/nanny who can help you share the load since your DH can't. Your income is not low in an absolute sense, but your DH has a job that assumes a SAHP or full time help, and that will never change. That's just how it is for law firm partners. So you either need to become a SAHM or hire full time help. Period.

If you pay down the loan debt, you might reach a point where you can more comfortably leave your job. I know people at that income level who pay for bare bones "catastrophic" health insurance and then pay for most actual health care out of pocket, and it makes more sense for them financially. There's also no reason, given your DH's income, why you have to go through your job for you retirement fund. Is it a government pension? I honestly am not sure it's worth it in your case. If it's a 401k with an employer match, it's definitely not worth it in our case. At your income, you have better mechanisms for savings and investment -- real estate, a bunch of money in low-fee index funds like Vanguard, etc. Again, a financial planner could help you with this. Or just buy a few financial planning books and figure it out. It's not rocket science, especially when you have your level of cash flow.

You guys are managing your finances like a couple in their late 20s or early 30s making under 200k. It's the debt that is doing it. Frankly, you should have done more to pay that down before having kids and before your DH made partner, but it's not too late. You need to grow up though. You have kids and your DH has a serious job and no one is going to feel sorry for you if you can't figure it out because you are very high income and put yourselves in this position.[/quote]

OP here - yes agree our debt is the biggest factor in our budget.

We pay upward of $3000 per month on student loans. We should be done paying the majority of ours in the next 2-3 years I believe.  The next highest payments are mortgage ($4,000) and daycare costs, which finally have gone done to one daycare but previously we were paying 3 daycare costs.  Now we pay 1 daycare and then summer camps so if you average it around $1900 per month over 12 months. [/quote]

You should be done in 2-3 years, you believe? Lady, you are complaining about stress and resentment and you don't know for sure when your $3000/mo student loan payments end? I am not joking about this -- go look. Right now. You have a 36k annual expense and you are not even sure how long you will have it for.

Yes, daycare is expensive. Something that should have been abundantly clear to you after your FIRST kid. You have 3? Why didn't you switch to a  nanny after #2 anyway? By 3 kids, the nanny is definitely more economical, and then you'd already have a relationship with someone you could potentially keep on as a housekeeper/sitter. Right now you are spending 5k a month on student loans + daycare + camp -- once your loans are done, you could easily be spending less than that and have a full time household employee.

Depending on your DH's bonus this year, you could get that full time household employee by next year anyway. If he's a first year partner at 550k, my guess is you are going to see significant income bumps in coming years. You will have no problem affording household help.

Sorry you are feeling resentment today. But you married a corporate lawyer and between the two of you, you had a quarter of a million dollars in student loans. You then proceeded to have THREE children together, before paying off those loans, and bought a home worth at least 700k (I'm betting more but being conservative based on your mortgage payment and how long I'm guessing you've owned it). Within the next 2-3 years, you will likely have an extra 100k or more room in your budget, as you finish paying off loans and your DH's salary increases. And you would rather sit around lamenting how you can't afford a housekeeper than take a few minutes to go find out when you will be done paying off those loans and do a tiny bit of math. Oh yeah, and while you get a full time salary, some weeks you only work 20 hours a week.

Excuse me, I need to go put away the world's tiniest violin because I got it out thinking it was appropriate for this situation, but now that I have more facts, realize it is too big for the job.

Girl. Please.[/quote]

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