Reply to For those who struggle with ILs, do you feel guilty?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was the accommodating new wife for too long. DH can have whatever relationship he wants with his parents and I'm not required to be a part of it (as the buffer, as pp said). I used to feel guilty because everyone acted like I was wrong for not playing my part in the family dysfunction, but my job isn't to make sure no one is ever upset.[/quote]

I like your style and attitude, PP!

Words of wisdom here. I’ve got my own dysfunctional family of origin to contend with and there’s really no room for IL-related drama and dysfunction and overall weirdness.

DH can and will handle his parents and I’ll deal with mine. If I need help or his opinion, I’ll ask but otherwise we are trying so hard to stay in each other’s respective lanes here.

[b]My parents are significantly older and thus more needy, while his are defiantly “ageless,” assume they’ll live forever and are living accordingly (in denial/refuse to talk about health/future planning or savings).  I really think DH is watching me and wondering how he’ll handle dealing with fragile, elderly parents.[/b][/quote]

This was our story. My dad had a long illness, my mom is very needy. DH's parents skated along for many, many years. Now that the tables have turned, my ILs seem stunned and mad that age has come for them too. I am so relieved that I'm not in the middle of the storm this time.[/quote]

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