Reply to For those who struggle with ILs, do you feel guilty?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would think people would realize that they choose their inlaws when they choose the inlaw's child.  Especially now that most people don't marry until they are well into their 20s or more likely in their 30s.  Seems like people that old ought to realize it's a package deal and there could be a lot of strife in your life if you accept difficult people as your inlaws.  But, I guess most people aren't willing to pass on a person who has difficult parents even though they may have an inkling that there will be a hefty price to pay.[/quote]

It’s a package deal *for some.* My husband—before I met him—set a number of boundaries to distance himself from his abusive mother. I respected his autonomy and his feelings and have never pushed him to be closer, and have rejected all of their overtures to nudge him to be closer to them. It’s only a “package deal” if the spouse in question actually sees it that way. Do you get that? If I told DH that his family was a “package deal” and we had to go along with whatever they wanted, he would laugh and then drag me to therapy.[/quote]

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