Reply to For those who struggle with ILs, do you feel guilty?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I struggled with his for a long time. And while it feels awful to say this: it got so much better when my FIL died. He just imposed his will on everyone in his orbit and was incredibly rigid and entitled and difficult. When he passed, my relationship with my MIL got a million times better and I actually enjoy my time with her now. My DH's relationship with his brother also improved because it was no longer being governed by their dad, who was always trying to dictate how they felt about each other and how they interacted.

I feel guilty even saying this because it's awful, but the truth is that some people really do make family interactions so much harder, and when it's an older parent, you can feel like you are being held hostage to it because you are not going to change that person. My FIL was in his mid 60s when I met him. He was who he was. The rest of us just had to endure. I hope he feels more peace now.[/quote]

My FIL is similar but we’ve been married almost 20yrs and he is in his 80s now and same as always. He causes so many issues: is controlling and has very rigid ideas and such a difficult personality- complains to MIL and other siblings about any family member he disapproves of at the moment- causing all sorts of drama. Makes sibling relationships difficult and MIL so unhappy with all of his complaining and puts her in the middle- and because her kids/families visit less often than they otherwise would. DH says he has always been this way, and has/had a very rocky relationship with his own siblings for the same reasons (rigid, control issues, can’t keep disapproval to himself) - DH has barely ever met them or his cousins. The root of the problem is that FIL takes his religious observance/practices to an extreme and has some anxiety issues IMHO… [/quote]

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