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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sooooo many questions.  How does one even keep up a decades long emotional affair?  You never did anything physical?  What was the guy even in it for?  I had an emotional affair for a couple months once and the guilt was killing me.  Why stay in the marriage at all?[/quote]

We did meet a few times.  One time had sex.  Another time only oral.  This was over the course of 12 years.  When we first met I was single and we met to have sex quite a few times.  [/quote]

New poster. OP, let's total up what you've told us over several posts: You met when you were single and he was married, so, yes, you were having an affair since one of you was married. He was and is considerably older. He was in a position of authority over you in your workplace, which is the final and frankly worst part of it; the fact that you only trickled that detail out makes me wonder if you really have grasped how awful he was: Much older and effectively able to alter your job, career and therefore your life, and he and you had a sexual relationship. Even if he weren't married at that point, it still would have been a deeply inappropriate relationship. And OP, even if he was not directly your supervisor in your job then, he was still a high-up manager over your division, so ultimately, someone with power over your job.

Have you ever fully acknowledged to yourself that he was abusing his power over you? Even if he claimed he cared for you, even if he swore he had zero to do with your particular job -- he still knew he was the older and powerful one, and you were the younger one without power over him other than perhaps the power to expose the relationship. [b]And he keeps coming back for more[/b]; not a lot sexually, but he surely knows you'd have sex with him again whenever he asked --wouldn't you? You have already, as you note above, had sex (and oral is still sex) since you both stopped the early "quite a few times" regular sex.

Please, OP, block him in every way and double down on therapy. I think you mentioned you'd had some therapy and it wasn't working? Well, time to get a new therapist ASAP. You were willing, so I can't sit here and say "He took advantage of you" freely, but I wonder if you ever have understood that he used and STILL uses his age and authority to keep you coming back to him emotionally and boosting his ego? And then, he knows sex could be on the table whenever. Another "whenever" wil come along eventually, when he wants, especially if you feel he's telegraphing that you need to have sex to keep the emotional attachment going.

I rarely come here and say "Therapy!" because it gets said so much here that it loses value, but you need to dump him entirely and learn new ways to channel your thoughts so you stop relying on him. And you need to examine the dynamic where you said yes to him in the first place. OP, please realize, he very likely has other women he has on a string like he does you. If this has gone on for decades, you've surrended thousands and thousands of hours of your life to having sex with, talking with, and thinking about someone who does not reciprocate REAL emotion, no matter what he says to the contrary. You know he's bad for you and you should suspect he's doing the same with others. Tragically, you aren't special and the "relationship" isn't special. It's a powerful man's way to get off on his power over others' emotions. You deserve better than that.

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I am the one who pursued him. He went along with it.  [/quote]

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