Reply to Millennial men pitched themselves as equal partners. What happened?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it's a few things.

First, as a woman, I am so much more aware than my husband and better at multi-tasking. If I notice something needs to be done, I do it soon because otherwise it takes mental space to remember. Meaning that it is actually less work overall for me to sign up for music lessons instead of discuss it with my husband and wait for him to get to it and remember the deadlien to sign up and then subtly check in with him as we get closer to the deadline because if I ask outright I'm "nagging."

For many things, the easiest thing is just doing it myself. The only way that I've found to split the work is for each of us to 100% own things. I own more than he does though, and it's self fufilling because I am busy so I want things to be done, and I have a lot of things on my plate so I want to manage work myself so I can plan around it. This means I continue to take on more than my fair share.

I think a big piece of it is mental load. I've tried to implement different mechanisms to share it but it's nearly impossible with someone who was socialized without mental load. It's like my brain has a rolling ticker at the bottom of things that need to get done and I can't turn it off. [/quote]

The mental load is real.  My sister’s husband has a diagnosed anxiety disorder, and it comes with its own issues, but part of it is that he wants to be in control of everything, so he deals with all of the crap…arranging childcare, finding music lessons, opening 529’s, getting the leak in the ceiling fixed, planning vacations, figuring out why the dog keeps vomiting, etc.  
I had thought this was all BS when other women complained about it because it could be done between other things, but I can’t tell you how much easier parenthood has been for my sister when she doesn’t have to think about all of this stuff.  She goes to work, then comes home and plays with her girls.  [b]If she has to go out of town, then she tells her husband and he just deals with it. [/b] [/quote]

I mean...I do this... What am I supposed to be doing exactly? I'm going out of town next weekend to see my college friends. I asked my husband about the weekend ahead of time, put it in the joint calendar, and the on Friday I will leave. What else should I be doing before I go?[/quote]

I don’t know.  I would have to figure out childcare or play dates or carpools or something for the time that my husband was at work and not available to do the kid stuff.  
My sister’s husband would just figure it out.

I don’t mean to be a jerk here, but it’s not like I am struggling to work full time while I’ve got a partner who is home every evening and takes two days off every week.  [/quote]

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