Reply to What Did Your MIL Do to Welcome You Into the Family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the best thing you can do is get to know her and find out about her family. She is starting a new family with your son, not becoming an appendage to your family (I am not assuming this is your attitude, but it is common). [/quote]

Yes.  More than any one present or declaration, I wish my MIL had this attitude.  Instead my side of the family was seen as a complete threat.  She was touchy and hostile.  She still bristles a bit when I bring up things I've done with my family and I've known her over 15 years.

A small gift or something celebratory is certainly lovely.  But in general being patient and loving as she and your son figure out their new lives is the most wonderful gift you can give them.  If you start to feel defensive or upset about choices they make, really work on the how and why you are feeling that way.

I had a very rocky few years with my MIL.  It's mostly calmed down now that my kids are elementary age and maybe she's finally chilled out a bit.  But she damaged our relationship pretty severely, so I don't really trust her.  I know she means well, loves us, etc.  But she hasn't taken care with my feelings or really made an effort to love my side of the family, and I still feel deeply offended about it on a lot of levels, even though it's not an issue that comes up regularly anymore.  Mainly because I keep both sides almost completely apart.  She *could* have become at a minimum easy going and friendly with my mom, but she choose iciness over that in our first years, so that ship sailed.[/quote]

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