Reply to How would you react: DH says he's "done working."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is hard, but also not uncommon post military retirement. Many people thrive in the military because of the regimented structure, which doesn’t really exist outside of the military.

What is the crux of the issue? Do you need him to bring in some income for current expenses or savings goals? Is it just his hanging around the house? The attitude?[/quote]

OP here. I guess it's the attitude more than anything. If he was actually happy – if he found some hobby that brought him joy, and was full of laughter and love– well, I'd still wish he made some more money but I could handle it. (I mean, I like my job, so although I sometimes feel overwhelmed, it's not like I'd quit if he suddenly got a job.) And if he pitched in more with household stuff– took on more of Ye Olde Mental Load, went shopping, fixed things, called contractors, did all that stuff without sulking or needing to be cajoled– it would be fine. I guess it's just that right now I feel like I am not getting much out of this: not a happy, supportive spouse, not an engaged and loving co-parent, not someone to share the breadwinning, not a partner in dealing with all the crappy little stuff life throws at us.

[b]I truly love him and when he is in a good mood he's a lot of fun to be around: he is smart and funny and affectionate. But we are not seeing his good side nearly as much as we see his angry, moody side[/b]. [/quote]

This is what you need to focus on, OP.  Has he been screened for depression? It sounds like that could be at play here. He is paralyzed because he doesn't know what to do. There are lots of resources available to ex-military people to help them acclimate, both psychologically and with tangible career assistance. Has he looked into that?[/quote]

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