Reply to Concerned about my wife's lack of desire to expand her social circle

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you are going to encourage her to make friends, those friendships should be based on your wife's interests and not based on your kids.

First, unless these kids are all going to elementary school together, these "friendships" are short term.  So consider how much it is worth investing in people who you won't stay in touch with.

Also, as a mother who has BTDT, it gets very messy when your friendships are based on your kids friendships and there are falling outs among the kids or your kid is not considered "cool" and is excluded. Then, you are in the position of losing your friends and/or pushing your child to accept bad behavior from other kids to maintain the adult friendships. Certainly you can and should be friendly with parents at your kids' school, but be cautious about considering these people your true friends.[/quote]

This.  So much drama when your "friend circle" is based on your kids, because if the kids don't get along or start drifting apart, the friendships suffer (or the kids do).  I'd probably attend a few of these social events just because it's nice to know the parents of your kids' classmates, but I wouldn't be going for the purpose of making a group of friends. [/quote]

I don't know. I made most of my local friends through my kids pre-school and during the early elementary years. Kids are now in high school and sure the friendships have changed/kids have drifted apart but the adults hang out without our kids, because guess what, they can be left home alone or have their own plans! Don't overthink it. Make friends where you can and deal with the fallout later![/quote]

My parents are still best friends with the parents of my kindergarten friends! That was 45 years ago.

It's hard when one person wants to socialize - even a little - and the other doesn't. There has to be some meeting in the middle. In our relationship, even though we're both pretty introverted, I have more social energy and desire than my spouse - so I generally make the friends and make the plans, but I try to also be mindful of what my spouse can actually manage. So if we have dinner plans with friends on Sat night, I try to make any other socializing just me. Can you try something like that - maybe see if your wife can handle socializing like two times a month, and you're in charge of making the friends and the plans?[/quote]

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