Reply to What to say to a family member who says “learn to take a joke”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You've gotten good advice so far, but one thing I wish I'd done when I had someone like this in my life was this:

Ask them to explain the joke. Act dumb about it ("Huh? I don't get it. Why is that funny?"). I think people who do this sort of thing are trying to get away with some sleight of hand, but if you force them to clearly lay out what they are doing, either it will be obvious that there is no joke or that the joke is offensive.

I was always too hurt/reactive to be analytical about what was happening, but now that I'm older and have more presence of mind, this is what I'd do. But I had to get to a point where I can't be so easily provoked by someone who tries to poke at one of my insecurities. I think people who do this often specifically target people who will have trouble with this. They are bullies.[/quote]

This is the right way.

Have him stammer through why its a joke.  And when he wont be able to do it, he'll be embarassed.

All the other ways just satisfy his goal "learn to not be hurtful" or "i didn't know jokes were supposed to be rude" will only make him feel superior about himself.

You have to embarass him[/quote]

This is excellent advice and can be quite satisfying. I do this with MIL and, while it doesn't stop the "jokes", it really takes the wind out of her sails to have to stop and explain. This is in the context of rude comments she makes about my husband (her son) and her husband behind their backs. It used to really flummox me, but now I just act like I don't get it. [/quote]

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