Reply to I cannot stop feeling so deeply angry at someone

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This person is not worth the energy you are putting into your anger.[/quote]

And that anger is giving this person a prime spot, THE prime spot, in your mental real estate, OP. In essence this person is, to put it crudely, "winning" against you, even after the abuse is long over, by taking up so much of your emotional and mental time and energy.

For those reasons, this stranger is begging you to get back into therapy, or, if you're still in therapy, to tell your therapist more fully exactly what you told us here. Maybe change therapists if you have one but for some reason aren't being this frank with the therapist as you are anonymously here. We can advise all day, and you'll get posts asking you for more and more details here "so we can help you better" etc. (often these come from people who just get kicks out of all the gory details--don't feed those beasts). But you need to see a professional to evict this person from your mind. Your life is being impaired and that gives this person power over you. I won't say, "Just stop giving this person power over you" becuase it is so hard to do that on one's own. See a new therapist, or tell your current one your whole, raw, angry truth, or restart therapy if you've stopped it, but you need help to take back your life and thoughts. You deserve to have your true self back and that cannot happen with just venting to strangers online. Please, please get help.[/quote]

You don't get it. My therapist knows I feel this way. Have you ever been through this? If not, you don't get it.

And yes, I'm aware that this person is winning, that they have won. That's the whole point. No matter what I do I can never get back what they took.

Also, I'm not sharing any details here, I'm not stupid.[/quote]

Allow yourself to feel this anger. You should be angry. Cry as often and as much as you need. At the anniversary, of course you will feel keenly distressed. Can you think of anything that would bring you peace regarding what happened?  Sone might not like this, but is there any revenge you can obtain? Having been traumatized myself, I know the feeling of helplessness you may feel along with anger. The high road sucks, imo, but I have no means for getting revenge and I don't want to go to prison. Imagining getting back at the person who harmed me is sometimes comforting.[/quote]

Imagining revenge always makes me feel worse. Because any revenge I took would turn them into a victim. And then people would support them and blame me (which is what they did when I actually was the victim!). Knowing this destroys me.

The truth is that the person who hurt me has high status and social protection and I do not and there is nothing I could do to reverse that situation. Any action I took would only serve to make me look weaker than I am.[/quote]

Have you tried to find a physical outlet for your anger? When I was first treated for ptsd, I took up boxing. The physical activity helped funnel out a lot of my frustration and learning to box made me feel strong and it built my confidence. Perhaps there is some activity, some hobby, some outlet you can find which will give you a break from thinking about your experience, even if only for an hour. You could build on those neutral times and extend them. Think of something outside the box. For me, a lazy, out of shape loner, boxing was such a vast change that it helped pull me away from my troubles. I still suffer, but I have more peace than pain.[/quote]

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