Reply to I cannot stop feeling so deeply angry at someone

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sometimes when something is really triggering, it's because it is causing you to need to look at an aspect of yourself that you don't want to examine.

I feel bad that you feel so bad, but could it be that this other person brought forth something with a kernel of truth that you would rather avoid?  I say this, because this is true for me.  When I am maddest, it's often because I don't want to examine the whole picture.[/quote]

I'm sorry if I seem like I'm just dismissing stuff here but y'all do not get it. Of course there are hard truths about me. But I freaking confront them. I have a history of being co-dependent. I struggle with people-pleasing. I have a history of depression and anxiety. I sometimes give up when things are hard. I'm a flawed human like all people.

The whole point is that when this person abused me and I tried to hold them accountable, they responded by pointing all this crap out about me in a public way, as a way to distract from and explain away their behavior. They made me look crazy and unreliable because it was their escape hatch, and it worked because it made people discount the truth things I was saying, and it also made me feel so worthless that I did not proceed with other options (law suit, criminal charges) because I knew it would just be more of this, more of my name in the mud, and I couldn't take it and I couldn't put my family through that. I didn't want to be called crazy and unstable (I was unstable, I had PTSD and was self-harming because THIS PERSON ABUSED ME).

Like I know you think you are raising something I haven't already thought of and discussed ad nauseam in therapy. But in reality you are just pointing out another aspect of this crap situation that make me really, really angry.

I'm not avoiding anything. All I do is confront my weaknesses and flaws in an attempt to recover from this tire fire of a life event. The only person hiding from the truth is the person who abused me and got away with it.[/quote]

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