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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, absolutely. Stuff like this is why I'm always annoyed when people post about marriage difficulties in the relationship forum and so many posters are like "just get a divorce." If no kids, okay, but co-parenting young kids with an ex is really hard.

My BIL is currently living with a woman in a similar situation as you describe. She and her ex broke up when their DD was 1 or 2, I can't remember, but they've been divorced since, so she has no real recollection of them together. They have something closer to 50/50 custody than you describe, but a lot of the dynamics are the same. There is a ton of resentment and little petty arguments about the details of the custody arrangement, even now years into it, with both sides sometimes playing these little games to angle for advantages. It feels very messy to me. Their DD is the same age as mine, and I feel bad because I think she's really negatively impacted by how much anger and resentment exists between her parents. In theory she is getting an example of a functional relationship because my BIL and her mom seem to be pretty solid, but I also feel like BIL sometimes joins in her in bashing her ex (sometimes in earshot of their DD, which I think is in very bad taste) so there is some dysfunction there as well.

I try to be empathetic and understanding of everyone and I am sure they have their reasons for the resentment and anger (as well as splitting up -- certainly it doesn't seem like they should be together). But it's hard on kids.

I guess the takeaway is just try really hard not to have kids with someone if there's any chance it can blow up this way. I do think it often speaks to emotional immaturity by both parties to make that choice -- kids need stability and we should all do everything we can to create that stability both before we have kids and then while they are with us. Strong relationships are really important for that.[/quote]

Stop making this about your feelings.  This isn't even your situation so you don't even know everything.  [/quote]

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