Reply to When a friend always brings down the mood with their trauma, would this be okay?

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Reply to "When a friend always brings down the mood with their trauma, would this be okay?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]I have a friend who brings up her (very serious, very bad) trauma in basically every social situation. It puts a damper on the mood and then the whole event kind of has this shadow hanging over it for the rest of the duration. I was thinking of talking to this person privately and suggesting that they get professional help. I want them to know that I care about them but that this is a bit inappropriate. Is this going to come off as selfish but I don't really know what else to do.[/quote]

I think it's wise to address this personally with your friend. I wouldn't talk about how their conversations kills the mood, obviously.

I'd probably start with something like "I care about you and how you are doing. I notice that you have been talking about your abuse a lot and it seems like it's something you want to work through. I don't always know what to say or how to help. Have you thought about talking to a counselor? I want to be a listening ear but I think someone who knows more about trauma might be really helpful for you."

IME, people who talk a lot about their trauma may be struggling with memories and reactions, trying to find a way to keep them at bay. Clamping down on them and trying to make them go away  doesn't work, and going over them endlessly with friends doesn't work, because a professional who knows how to steer the conversation and actually process them is needed. 
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