Reply to Parents and ILs Don't Get Along

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What events are we talking about? A 6 year old's attempt a dance class or high graduation? How does each side know when events are scheduled?  Because you are telling them!! Just stop 🛑 and take a month long break from these crazy people. They are ALL playing you. And, if DD is sad, tell her the grownups aren't playing nice. Why are you so passive?[/quote]

OP here. Actually they are asking me (which I already said) and I don’t think bluntly telling them to knock it off is passive.[/quote]

So the next time they ask, say this is when and where and I am also going to invite the other grandparents. If they come and you can’t get along, YOU will not be invited to the next event. If one set behaves and the other does not, the ones who misbehave will be cut out. Both sets should not be punished if one follows the rules. Reward good behavior, bad behavior has consequences. Just like with kids. Which is how they are acting. [/quote]

OP here. That was more or less the gist of the conversation. I gave MIL a heads up that my parents may be there and then that’s when she got passive aggressive… I even gave her the option of an alternate event at a location my parents won’t be at, but that’s not the one MIL wanted to go to. So it’s not like she doesn’t have options. But regardless, their paths WILL cross again so everyone needs to get straight on this. I did tell her that if someone can’t behave, they’d no longer be invited.[/quote]

Not sure I’m following - you told your ILs to behave? Wrong audience - the issue is you dealing with your parents.[/quote]

OP here. No, I told her that I'm going to tell her the same thing as my mom... and that includes everyone needs to be civil to each other and I'm not going to deal with the before/after drama of who didn't speak to who or who is going to sit where. Basically, I don't want to hear about it from either of them, and I will shut it down from BOTH of them. I acknowledged that it's not a great situation, but if they want to come to events where both sides will be there, but I'm not going to micromanage the interactions, the comings and goings and where people sit because they can't be within 50' of each other. Conversations have started for this event and have occurred in the past of can I come to ABC part and the other set comes to XYZ part? And I played that game once or twice and honestly, it didn't work, because whoever was told to come to ABC part inevitably wanted to come to XYZ part. Also, it incredibly awkward when my MIL wants to talk $hit on my mom. I get it, she's not perfect, but I'm not going to engage and it was going down that path. The same with my mom re: MIL. Very recently she said something negative about her in front of my DH and I and I shut that down too. 
[/quote]

It doesn't sound like they are being uncivil to each other. Just both complaining separately to you. So how will you punish them for misbehaving? That solution doesn't address the actual problem.[/quote]

really, i think the actions OP described her parents taking are uncivil.  Now OP is upset because her MIL is complaining about it.[/quote]

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