Reply to Urging child to invite family friend

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How upset will your friend be if her kid isn’t invited? And is it worth that?[/quote]

I think my friend’s feelings will definitely be hurt but I don’t think she will be mad at me. I did not want to make it about special needs but the child has mild special needs. I think that is the main reason why our kids were never close. I am not sure how much this has to do with the special needs or cool factor or looks.

I want my child to be kind and inclusive. My child does hang out with the popular kids at school and some of those kids are definitely not kind.[/quote]

So now we have, child doesn't want to invite the kid. Then it is because the kid is not cool. Then it is that the kid is slightly over weight. Then it is but the kid is like a cousin. Now we are adding on special needs and you want your child to be inclusive.

Either invite the child or don't but I doubt that the advice is going to change too much. Your child is 10 and did not include the friends kid on their list. You have asked your child to add the kid and your child has said no.

Your child is 10, there probably isn't that much of a popular kids or not group. DS is 10. He has a group of kids he hangs out with at recess, it sounds like upwards of 10 kids dependent on the day. There are days he plays kick ball, days he plays soccer, days he plays tag, and days he chats. Each group seems to be different. I don't bother labeling any of this because he is 10. He has not said that these kids are cool or these kids are popular. We also don't ask those questions because he is 10.

Your child is acting like a 10 year old. They invited the kids they wanted to their party. You want them to invite someone that they see on a regular basis, based on your description, and that they are not close to even though they see each other frequently. They are not cousins and they are not friends.

Either you invite the kid over your child's protest, which means a kid will likely to be excluded from activities with the other 10 year olds due to not knowing the other kids and your kid not wanting them there, or you don't, which means some hurt feelings with your friend. I would hope that the adults can understand that the kids are not friends regardless of how the parents feel about each other and be sad but fine with the situation. [/quote]

NP to the thread. PP I’ve quoted? Just because OP accurately sees that her 10 year old Dd is acting like a snotty jerk, don’t let that get you in your feelings.  Not one thing she has written contradicts any other thing, and at 10 - even at 6 - it is clear that some girls are making snide comments and judgments about weight and popularity. OP is trying to be kind, and trying to address head-on her DD’s desire to be a little sh!t. You know, like you, and your kids are.[/quote]

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