Reply to This is really bothering me- always being "on" as the parent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a similar conversation with my husband when my kids were little.  What got to me was that he was surprised that I felt this way.  It wasn’t even really that I minded that this was the dynamic.  Little kids are stressful, but I was probably going to feel that stress either way, and one of us should be able to work late or go to the store.  What got to me was that he didn’t appreciate that this was happening.

[b]I remember thinking that I would have preferred a husband who openly said that he wanted me to scale back at work or to get up early with the kids every day over one who paid lip service to being there 50/50, but never actually was. [/b] [/quote]

This is huge to me.  I'm fine with being the primary parent but I want that role to be acknowledged and appreciated.[/quote]

First, you should not seek external praise. Make an intentional decision to do it, and then praise yourself.

Second, do you show acknowledgment and appreciation to your DH? So often it's a one-way street.

Third, believe me that teens and young adults will know and appreciate what you're doing.

Finally, I don't think it's manipulative at all (according to a pp's therapist) to book something occasionally and when giving the date to your spouse add that you're happy to change it. I have enough maturity to say what I will and won't do and for the majority of times not feel guilty. But, if I feel guilty that's my choice; I don't have to and many people don't. Many massage therapists have online booking and it's really no big deal to change. What if I need to get tickets for two months from now or see something and want to book and DH is on a plane or in all-day meetings. I don't always "ask" him to do something. I tell him I got these tickets and we constantly check in re calendars. If there is an issue we work it out like adults who are emotionally mature. 
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