Reply to if you or your spouse cheated- how did you tell the kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do you update your kids on everything to do with your sex life, every fight you have, etc.?

My husband had an affair when the kids were 3 and 5. Obviously we did not tell them.[/quote]

My kids are 2 and 4 and DH had an affair. How did you deal with it/were you eventually able to move on to some semblance of normalcy?[/quote]

I did all the things . . . confided in friends, went to therapy, prioritized self-care, joined the surviving infidelity website. I don't know exactly what your experience has been, but for me it was my husband being so mean and off for a few months. So the discovery and figuring out what was wrong was a relief in a way. I also think he didn't like the double life, as evidenced by how he was binge drinking, secretly going to therapy, etc. So he pretty quickly "woke up." He found a new therapist after DDay and still goes. So maybe those things set us up to experience more normalcy, IDK. You're still you, you're still a mother . . . there's a lot that is still normal about your days. It's just that your marriage is upside down and you are reeling from a trauma, and the person you would normally lean on is the one who inflicted it. Maybe it also depends on the type of infidelity . . . like I could understand a "one thing led to another" affair more easily than some other affair stories. That doesn't mean it was easy to accept it, but it didn't completely change how I viewed my husband like some other things might have. I could still see his humanity.

As for having little kids, it's a blessing in a way. Now that they are teens/tweens, I think it would be a lot harder to hide from them. Back then we could just say "Mommy doesn't feel well."

It's not easy, and you don't have to know what you want to do long term. You just have to breathe and be there for your kids. You'll figure the rest out in time.

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