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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - what responses!  I think asking 1-2 months is not unreasonable, given the massive adjustment we’ll be going through.  The rules apply across the board.  And for everyone saying “have a heart, let them come at 2-3 weeks” - a month is four weeks.  Is it really that big of a difference?

I’ve read several articles advocating waiting at least a month before allowing strangers around. [b]I’m not interested in being immediately post-partum, bleeding, leaking milk/breastfeeding etc with my in-laws around.  At least not until I get the hang of it.  Is this really cruel, ridiculous, and selfish?  I just don’t get these responses.[/b][/quote]

Agree OP. After we discussed having a little space my DH immediately caved and invited his parents to arrive the day after we got home. They wanted to "tour" our house and got miffed when I said they weren't welcome in our bedroom and bathroom. I had bras, maxipads, breast pads, nipple cream, sitz bath sitting out and I felt like having a little privacy should have been a no brainer. Of course, when my parents heard my ILs were here, they immediately invited themselves. Cue 4 days of grandparents sitting around expecting to be waited on, telling me I should rest and not clean up after them but, of course, not getting up to do it themselves. They would hold a sleeping baby for an hour and then expect me to rave about how "refreshed" I felt because they had just done me that huge favor. My FIL kept trying to serve me drinks (I was exhausted and breastfeeding) and then when I refused he kept saying how I had "no sense of occasion." No one would get up early or stay up late when the baby cried and the one time I asked my parents to drive and get diapers they complained for two hours after they returned because it was such a far drive (it was 15 minutes round trip).

I was overwhelmed and majorly pissed. But, DH finally understood  and we set real limits from there on out. No one was invited back for Christmas (3 months later) and when our next child was born DH told his mom she could come for a weekend a few weeks after the baby was born. I told my mom she could come for a week after the birth if she was planning to help, otherwise she could come for a weekend as well. She came for a week and wasn't terribly helpful but at least understood I wasn't making her meals, etc.

If you think your family will suck like ours, then I support you and think it's totally reasonable. But I have friends whose moms/parents came and basically acted like post partum doulas. Cooking, cleaning, helping to get the baby on a routine, taking the baby for hours so the mom could get some sleep, stuff like that. I would have literally wept with gratitude if any of the grandparents had done those things for us, and they would have been welcome in our home immediately after birth. A baby can be very overwhelming, and if family is actually going to help you, you should accept it. But if they want to have a vacation at your house, then no.[/quote]

THIS

Some people want "curated grandparent experiences" where they act like intruding into your space uninvited is their vacation.

If I have another child my mom can come because she did doula work. My in laws will have to wait a month and stay in a hotel because they expected to just hold a happy baby and hand it back when things got hard while doing nothing around the house.[/quote]

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