Reply to If your IL's were not warm and welcoming to you

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]So for those who say they don’t interfere with husbands relationship with parents, does he allow them to be rude to you and you just don’t care that he doesn’t stand up for you? [/b][/quote]

I am the one who said that. No, if he allowed them to be rude to me that would not be OK. He tried to suck me into their drama early on telling me what they said about me when I set boundaries. I told him what they say about me behind my back is none of my business and he is creating problems telling me. He also would come back sharing everything his sisters said about their own husbands (who also set boundaries). I told him those issues are none of our business and if they want to have happy marriages then perhaps work all that out in counseling rather than constantly bashing their husbands to the rest of the family. i said it's not his place to judge the spouses when he doesn't know their side nor should he. His sisters are now divorced multiple times and they hate each other too. I advised him to stay out their drama too. So I don't interfere with him seeing them, but I do advise him to not get sucked into drama.[/quote]

I am the PP who asked the question. My situation is like this- I get greeted so I receive the obligatory cordial part. I have Never been asked anything about myself, literally not one single thing. If there is a conversation and I try to participate they just grey rock me. Example, They talk about going out to dinner and having a great meal. I respond with "oh, where did you go" and it's deadpan w/silence or an "I don't remember" and changing conversation. So my husband is either so obtuse he doesn't see it (while also thinking the greeting is enough) or really just doesn't care his family isn't "nice" to me. The sibling behaves the same way towards me and talks non stop to just husband and parents.  A significant part of this  is cultural. I guess I am just expected to sit in silence during the entire visit. I can opt out of some visits, but not all. I on the other hand would never allow my family to act like this to him so it's hard to ignore how his family treats me and "not interfere with his relationship with them."[/quote]

That's identical to my husband's family.  I won't say what country they are from, but it might be the same one.  You are expected to attend all their boring functions and just sit there like a decoration.  I've stopped going to most things.  As I got older I just kind of got over it.  I don't hate them or anything - I realized over time that it wasn't personal.  Plus, they got nicer as we got older and had kids and more  history.  But they are still boring.  Just ignore them and play on your phone or something.  Come up with excuses why you can't go.  I literally worked an extra job on weekends so I would have an excuse.  [/quote]

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