Reply to Breaking up because there is a lack of physical attraction/chemistry

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s not shallow. I applaud you for speaking your mind. Just look at all the miserable people on this board and you’ll be glad you’re not settling for someone that you’re not physically attracted to after the “honeymoon" period ends. [/quote]

Yep.

Do not settle. If you do, you will be back here complaining about how the marriage is dead.

Be confident in what you are looking for.

I have a cousin who is like you. He is married to a real life doll. She is always well put together. Always. He is too: handsome, tall and muscular and does not mess with his workout and diet. They are a great match and are happy. They are nice people who just love to look great all the time.

[/quote]

I think everyone sees some part of this and most of the conflict here is about assuming ill-intent on another party.

I will say that I don't think OP has fully considered why is criteria might be problematic for women. Namely, there is a fine line between "I want to feel that you are always putting in the effort to look nice" and "I always want you to look nice".  Women know that beauty is powerful and fleeting.  That's not to say you can't look great at 50+.  But it is substantially more difficult to manage than at 25, 30, or even 35.  So making a commitment like that is anxiety inducing, because it's not just keep on keeping on. It's an expanding portfolio of work. And that's assuming that you can absolutely trust that the man is seeking the effort, and not the result.  Because there will always be someone younger and new for whom the result is easier to achieve.  And this hasn't even touched on the difficulties associated with the other parts of your life that grow and take up the space you spent on dating in your twenties: kids, work, charity, aging parents, home maintenance, and your own health.

I would also like to say that I think OP misses the mark when addressing his own contributions on this point.  What is required of men, particularly heterosexual men, is laughable next to what's considered standard for women.  You go to the gym and wear appropriate clothing.  Elaborate hairstyle? Not necessary.  Make-up? No.  Men's clothing can vary based on the event, but basically none of it wouldn't allow you to work construction.  Sure, it would be shame to get sawdust on $500 Italian leather shoes or some limited edition sneakers, but you could still move about the job site.  .  That's not true for sheath dress and heels.  Basically any men's garment that isn't comfortable has been all but eliminated mainstream fashion.

It's not to say that OP hates women or anything like that.  It just that he seems unaware of why things might change in a relationship.  It's almost as though he wants to freeze everything at a good moment and say this when things were good for me any change is bad.  I suspect most women, even without a considered plan on the point, will move on from the job interview phase of dating and want someone more comfortable for them in a marriage or long-term partnership.  They're going to care more about how things go when they aren't looking their best than how much fun they had at the Michelin star restaurant and fancy concert.

It's ok that you have different priorities, but that will make it harder to find the person that shares your view.[/quote]

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