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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Met her in the line at preschool and things were budding and fine between us until first grade. Now everything feels to me like a competition, or nose-rubbing event with her. I may have experienced the last straw.

I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” It made me question everything. Ever since then it’s been much of the same: If it’s not comments about academics and how advanced her kids are, it’s about how they overachieve in other areas. I’m sick of it.

Today I was shamed for still folding and putting away my 8yo clothes. Of course, she doesn’t do that for her kids. [/quote]

Wait, maybe I'm competitive but I don't see why her response wasn't valid? I was telling my friend that both of my kids were reading chapter books by 1st grade.  Maybe it was the last straw for you though. In general I think the realtionships are natured that way bc everyone is in the same swim lane. It's not taht it is a competition but what else can you talk about and share/compare. I haven't figured this out yet, maybe some are better than others on how to communicate without inciting competition. [/quote]

OP is always free to distance themselves from any friend, but I agree with Pp here that I find the other parent’s comment perfectly reasonable. It’s fine for a parent to be proud of their kid’s advanced reading ability, and I’m a little confused why OP’s first reaction is to push the friend away instead of learning how the other child managed to have such a fantastic love of reading, or how they got motivated to put their own clothes away. But OP is their own person so it’s their choice. [/quote]

Oh, see, you've made a couple logic errors here. Let me help you correct them, I'm sure you're interested in learning how you can do better.

First, expressing pride in your child does not have to involve comparison or even mentioning the other person's child at all. A proud response would be something like "Yes, she loves reading! We're really proud." OP might also feel bad about this if her own child is struggling with reading, but it doesn't implicate her child at all. It's just expressing pride. No comparison necessary.

Second, OP didn't say her child didn't love reading. Learning to read and loving to read are different things. OP's child may already love books and reading, but simply not yet be able to read a higher level chapter book on their own. OP's child might be right on grade level, enjoying books and reading, and still not be reading at that level. In which case, OP doesn't need any advice at all, her child is doing great. She's just remarking on the other child reading at a higher level.

Third, even if we assume OP needs or wants advice on reading, why would we assume that this friend has anything of use to offer? Reading is one of those milestones where there's a wide range of normal. Which means that two parents could do the exact same things to support literacy, and one kid could learn to read a full year before the other. A lot depends on the kid, and kids are different. So the assumption that OP's friend had useful advice for her, even assuming OP needed advice, is dubious at best. A lot of what you think are parenting victories are just accidents.[/quote]

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