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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is a fine line between keeping exact accounts and insisting on everyone contributing/ not freeloading, and just being a complete arse about it.

From your post, I'm not sure how often your brothers cross the line. They likely have expenses commensurate with their income, and are allergic to anyone making assumptions about what they can contribute solely based on their income. Likely they're of the mindset that "they worked hard to get where they are, and if others didn't work as hard, then too bad for them". Conveniently ignoring that being white and male opens doors that others have to work hard to open, and that everything has a component of luck.

I've seen both sides in my family. Well-off people being milked by poorer relatives who assume they can afford to help in every circumstance, and people getting overly defensive about their wealth to protect themselves from that same problem.

Continue to defend your financial interests, OP. This is a transactional negotiation: they play hardball, you play hardball.

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that makes sense. these are small amounts of money though - they seem to expend MUCH more time and energy devising ways to control their contributions than just writing a check would take. it made sense if they were like us mere mortals and still had to pinch to save for college. but ha ha no! they actually have generational wealth now. [/quote]

There is nothing wrong in controlling your own contribution.  You sound very bitter. [/quote]

I mean, there kinda is something wrong or weird about creating drama over contributions that are not really much money at all. It’s on them, but seems easier to just write a check. I mean at a certain point yeah, I expect them to be more gracious and less stressed about it when they have so much freakin’ money. To clarify again this is not about me wanting to contribute less. It’s the weirdness about small $$ that just appears yes, greedy. [/quote]

But again, the issue is that YOU have decided on their behalf what amount of money should qualify as significant or not significant, and you have no right to do that. Maybe they think that $250k is a very good income and you don't really need the small inheritance either. You are very quick to label their income much too high to care about the inheritance but just take it as a given that your income is low enough that they owe you charity. You don't actually know that, though. Maybe they have health problems and are trying to stockpile as much money as possible because they know they will have to retire early. Maybe a lot of their money is tied up in assets. Maybe they set their money on fire every night, you don't know and really it's none of your business. They have a right to be paid back what they fronted to family, and just because YOU have decided they should forgive the debt doesn't mean that they owe you that. It's easy to be generous with other people's money, but it is not your place to decide how much money people should give and how much debt they should forgive based solely on your apparent obsession with measuring their wealth. It's very common in poor communities for people to have trouble getting out because their family members decide that any success they have must be shared among the family. Maybe they're just tired of family members having high expectations for financial contributions just because of that poverty mindset that "they have money, they should be spending it on us! Keeping their money for themselves is selfish!" [/quote]

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