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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry. I just don't see how a truly autistic person even one considered high functioning can "mask" for long enough to "fool" someone while in a relationship especially if that person has never been diagnosed/received therapy/had early intervention. Yes, there is a spectrum but even on that spectrum there are consistent and persistent deficits that even in folks who are 40+ and may not have been diagnosed as children or young adults will be obvious to any NT person interacting with them. Now, whether that NT person puts together the information and returns a result of autism is another story but the deficits are always there because there is just no amount of "masking" that can cover those. They may have been brushed under the rug so to speak or not acknowledged while dating but they were always there-and that's not masking. It really irritates me the way some of these people like to conflate masking narcissism and/or abusive behavior with autism and then come on here and perpetuate this idea that people who are autistic have no emotions or feelings, or can't empathize with others. Because some of the people in the relationship threads like to point out how intelligent their spouse is, what a great job they have and how they are social butterflies who expend all their energy at their job and then have no emotional capacity for family and "masked" while dating, well my son is diagnosed HFA with an IQ tested at 130 and has always been able quickly incorporate various early intervention techniques learned through unstuck and ontarget, speech and OT into his day to day routine. He is kind, empathetic, and extremely outgoing but how he delivers those traits is just different. It is. He shows obvious concern when someone is hurting and absolutely FEELS for people if they are sad and will often cry with/for them and hug them, but can't understand why when he is sad others will do the same for him. His first question is always, "Why are you sad?" when someone is upset because he is hurting or sad. He can't understand the concept that just as he empathizes for others they do the same for him. The first time he meets someone it's as if they've been friends for years but only because he will ask their name, talk with them, and then launch into a discussion about dwarf planets, or sports teams, or whatever else, and then continuously circle back to that topic. There is no way someone could have a relationship with him and not realize he isn't NT. [/quote]

Huh? 
How old is your son? 
What do outsiders say or think about him? Not someone living with him or parenting him 24/7.
Unclear why you loathe the concept of masking so much.  Oh well. [/quote]

DP. She “loathes” the concept of masking because it makes no sense based on her actual experience of her child. Given that her child was diagnosed with autism, likely through the ADOS which elicits naturalistic responses, my guess is he appears autistic to most people. “Masking” as currently used is a concept made up by social media. It’s a shame because it refers to an actual phenomenon which if, properly defined, probably is important to understanding the stressors of high functioning autistic teens/adults. [/quote]

Yes the masking uses up energy “behaving” in class or friend groups or in the office.

But results in the opposite result once home and “safe.” They are too tired to engage in anything or lash out on others.

They really need to admit the significant amount of decompression time they need and find cleaners, Nannie’s, drivers and family friends to fill in for them at home. [/quote]

This thread is about children. Take your complaint about your husband elsewhere. [/quote]

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