Reply to How do you stay married to an ASD HFA Aspergers husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As the Mom of an Aspie, I have a lot of questions. How long did you date your ASD spouse before you married? How is it possible that you didn’t see the signs while dating? Maybe you did, but chose to ignore? I think it’s impossible for a person to “mask” so much that their spouse wouldn’t know until years after marriage.

I don’t think ASD should be blamed for your relationship problems because it’s always been a part of his personality. What changed your perception of his personality? Did you think you could fix or change his quirks?[/quote]

Most neurotypical empathy give others then benefit of the doubt. But then the mishaps and poor communication and messes start piling up and you see the pattern.

Red flags I made excuses for:
1 big temper tantrum on a vacation. I thought he was just being a guy.

He couldn’t plan a weekend trip; it literally made no sense and we had to change hotels in the middle of no where pop is in February.  I’m a good planner so did it quickly but didn’t realize how chronic this would get w kids

When he moved out of his apartment he left tons of crap and his roommate went ballistic. No one really told me, but his cluelessness strikes again,

He never knew what he wanted for the relations, and avoided talks on it. I chalked it up to a Guys thing again

His brother never held down a job, and his dad “retired” at age 50. I now know this was due to their ASD. Hadn’t spent enough time with them nor had knowledge of aspergers before my spouses diagnosis.

He never did any organized sports. I now know this is because he argues with anyone trying to give him advice or help him. Totally uncoachable. And his mom was underwater doing everything with 3 aspies in the house.

Very book smart, no street smarts.

***

Anyhow, he stood out in my Wall Street land of womanizers and drinkers. He had a good job and education.

This is one case where living together for a year may have sussed out how chronic his bad habits were. 
Also, he planned out honeymoon. So too late, but have them olan a big trip, soup to nuts.  In our case, he got the flights and hotel based on TripAdvisor rankings.  We got to this gorgeous place….. and he had no ideas or thoughts on what to do or what it to miss or what to try.  He backpedaled and said let’s ask the concierge, who directed us to his cousins stuff. Luckily I brought a guid book and whipped up some day trips. Oh well.[/quote]

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